An Old Flame
by Empty Pen09
Summary: Erin Lindsay hears about plans her boyfriend was making for them before she abruptly left town and returns to Chicago to rekindle an old flame, forcing Hailey Upton to deal with her feelings for Jay Halstead.
1. Chapter 1

Hailey Upton didn't consider herself a morning person. She'd always hated mornings, even as a girl getting out of bed in the morning had been a chore. Things definitely hadn't changed since she'd grown up and got a job. These days she was best friends with her alarm and was on a first name basis with her snooze button. It didn't manage to be a problem though. She typically made it to work with just enough time to avoid being called late. On those rare mornings when she was running 10 or 15 minutes behind, she always stopped for donuts. Nobody ever complained about you being late if you brought them food.

However, today had been different, she was up at seven am, an ungodly hour for a day off. This morning she hadn't needed an alarm clock, or a snooze button, to rouse her from a deep slumber, she'd woken up by mere chance. Jay had been sprawled across her bed, shirtless and in his boxer shorts and she woke up with her head and hand peacefully on his chest. It was the best night of sleep she'd gotten in months and it was the first time she could remember when she hadn't woken up in the middle of the night to pee, or get a glass of water, or munch on cookies. She had slept through the night and woken up rested for the first time in ages.

She suspected she knew why. Jay. He had given her peace from the moment they met. She trusted him from the moment she met him and she made him a part of her life almost immediately. The moment they'd become partners she began considering his feelings when she made her decisions. When she started seeing Adam her biggest worry had been that Jay would be angry, that he wouldn't understand. But he HAD understood, he even told her they were good, and would always be good, but it had hurt her.

She hadn't known why at the time, but one night at a bar she'd spilled her guts to a skinny and grizzled old barfly with blonde hair, worn blue jeans, and black work boots. The woman, a regular she often saw sitting alone at Molly's answered to Shelly. Antonio had pointed her out once and joked she was Hailey in 20 years. Everyone had laughed, even Hailey, but she couldn't help but notice Shelly every time she saw her afterwards. That night, Shelly had listened to her story, chuckled to herself, and admitted she hadn't pictured her and Adam together. Apparently, she'd noticed the group, even knew all their names, but had always kept a distance and minded her business. When Hailey explained that she was a bit let down that Jay hadn't been upset, the woman laughed again. You wanted him to be upset because you're in love with him, you just haven't admitted it to yourself yet, she explained. And Jay, she said, well he actually WAS a bit jealous, but if a guy loves you, really loves you, he'll put that aside if you're happy.

Hailey thought about this as she cleaned her gun, something she only did when she was nervous. She knew Jay cared about her, but love her? She wasn't sure. She knew how she felt about him though, she'd come to the realization just this morning, less than an hour ago in fact. As she lay awake in bed with Jay, her head resting on his chest, she allowed herself to finally see it. Being in bed with him is where she wanted to be, asleep in his arms was home. Instinctively he wrapped a sleepy arm around her pulling her close. She looked at him, really looked, and something inside her urged her to climb on top of him, take him inside her. The thought freaked her out and she bolted from the bedroom quickly. She brought a light blanket and pillow with her to the couch and tried in vain to get back to sleep but her mind was racing too fast for that. She decided to clean her gun instead.

She started with Jay's Glock 19. Cleaning someone else's gun was usually a no, no. It was much too intimate a thing to just DO without permission. But Jay didn't care. The first time she did it he watched briefly then focused his attention on the Chicago Bulls game they had on. Afterwards he didn't even bother checking the gun's action to make sure she had reassembled it correctly. He had simply trusted that she had.

She put on a pot of coffee, made herself a cup, and opened the blinds to her sparsely decorated apartment. She hadn't spent much time making the place home. She'd brought furniture and a TV with her when she moved in but not much else. She called it minimalist, but Jay called it sad. On his second visit he brought a store-bought painting of a red rose in a white vase sitting on an empty wooden table in a white room. It's boring, just like your apartment, he teased. He hung it without asking her permission, but she hadn't made a fuss. Over time she grew to love it, and often found herself staring at it and thinking about him. She was thinking about him when she heard the hard knock on the door. It was almost nine, early for a Saturday. She pulled herself off the couch, tossed the rag and the half-cleaned gun barrel onto the table and head to the door.

When she looked through the peephole of her apartment door her brow scrunched with curiosity. Hank Voight wasn't much for making social calls, and when he showed up at your house unannounced it usually meant you were in trouble. Her mind shifted quickly to work mode. Yesterday after shift she'd turned in a stack of paperwork that was bordering on being obscenely late. This wasn't typically a huge deal, but these days every eye in the department was watching and Voight repeatedly told them to be on their toes at all times. The running motto was, Don't give them a reason. And paperwork snafus were the sort of easy softballs they'd use against you he often warned.

She looked down at herself. She was still in bed clothes, a white Chicago Cubs tee shirt that she'd had since high school which had seen better days, and a pair of flimsy white cotton shorts you could practically see through in the right light. She hadn't bothered to put panties on underneath when she slipped them on. It had been that sort of night. Quick shower, bed clothes, dinner. She hadn't expected visitors but when Jay showed up she had been pleasantly surprised. They'd drank, watched a ball game, and through it all she hadn't once thought about putting on panties. She didn't have those hang ups with him. If he could see her body through the shorts, well that was okay. He was Jay, he could see as much or as little as he wanted.

She pulled the door open quickly, running a nervous hand through her tangled blonde hair. Before Voight stepped inside, she ducked into her bedroom pulling the door shut behind her but offering a polite welcome.

"Come on in boss, give me second to throw something on." Hank Voight wasn't Jay. No way could he see her body, not even a glimpse of ass cheek through flimsy bed shorts. She liked the boss, definitely respected him, but they'd never actually be friends. They both knew that. And he sure as hell wasn't ever going to be allowed to see her naked.

She snagged a pair of blue jeans off the floor, pulled them on and joined Voight in the living room. She carefully shut her bedroom door as she exited, if she was lucky Voight wouldn't even realize Jay was there. She'd been cleaning the gun when he showed up and it was still in pieces on the table in front of her. Jay's Glock was still assembled on the edge of the table, but she doubted Voight could tell his Glock from any other Glock. For all he knew, both guns were hers.

She sat down on the sofa and did her best to be nonchalant. She picked up the half-cleaned gun barrel and began to clean. "Got coffee if you want it," she offered while motioning for him to grab a seat in what Jay called the uncomfortable chair.

"I'm good," Voight said taking his seat. He stared at her briefly before his eyes narrowed. "Look, I'm sorry to bother you on your day off but I want to talk to you about Jay."

Jay? So not paperwork. Talking about Jay was almost worse. She breathed deeply and nodded, accepting the fact that Voight could and would ask any questions he wanted.

"What's up?" she finally asked, there was no use in playing coy. Voight had interrogated hundreds, maybe thousands, of suspects. The odds of her pulling a fast one on him diminished every second she dragged this out.

Voight shook his head and leaned back in the chair. "I got a call from Erin last night, Jay's ex. She told me she called Jay last night and couldn't get him, so she left a message. She tried to call him again this morning, but he isn't returning her calls. She said she ran into his brother last night in New York and he might have told her something he wasn't supposed to. She was hoping to get him on the phone to talk it through."

Hailey knew exactly what this was about. Jay hadn't mentioned what was wrong, but she could tell something was bothering him. Lindsay calling was definitely the sort of thing that would crack that cold façade he carried with him.

"She found out about that then huh?" Hailey did her best to be diplomatic, she knew Lindsay was like a daughter to Voight, so bad mouthing her wouldn't help her relationship with the guy. But even he had to know her leaving town without so much as a face to face goodbye was a fucked up thing to do. She understood Erin needing a fresh start. That happened. But Jay would have surely been game for following her to New York. Jay was an all-in type of guy, when he loved he loved hard. She knew that from personal experience. Lindsay had to know it too, so her leaving was a rejection of that love, his love. A rejection of him. Her leaving the way she did was her way of saying she didn't want him, or his love and loyalty. It was a fucked up thing for her to do, and she didn't even have the guts to do it face to face. She'd liked Lindsay at first, but when Jay finally opened up to her about things, how her leaving had made him feel, like an idiot and a fool, she'd began to hate Erin Lindsay.

Voight seemed surprised she was aware of the proposal. He arched an eyebrow in her direction. "He told you about that?"

Hailey just nodded. "My partner was in a bad way, I needed to know why so I asked him, and he told me."

That seemed to explain everything to him. Voight was a cop's cop. In his mind not only should you know everything about your partner, it was your job to know.

"She wants to talk to him. I told her I'd ask him to call her, against my better judgment of course. But I can't track him down. Any idea where he is?"

Damn, she hadn't been lucky once this morning and it wasn't even nine am. Instead of freaking out, she kept her cool and continued cleaning her gun. As nonchalantly as possible she pointed her rag towards her bedroom door. "He's in there asleep."

Voight's eyes widened but Hailey cut the thought off quickly.

"He came over last night pretty upset about something, but I didn't push. He slept in the bed, I took the sofa."

If Voight caught the lie, he didn't bother letting on. It felt weird lying but trying to explain that they slept in the bed together, cuddled, but weren't having sex, seemed a stretch. Voight seemed to take her at her word, although the throw blanket and pillow she'd dragged into the front room with her this morning surely helped sell the lie. Thank God for small favors.

"He seemed upset then?"

Hailey wasn't sure what to say to that. Was answering a betrayal? Would Jay be angry if Voight told Erin? There were too many variables.

Instead of answering she laughed playfully. "Oh, no. I'm not touching this with a ten-foot pole boss. Jay is my partner and Lindsay seemed okay when we worked together, but I'm not tied to her at all. If I pick a side, it's gonna be HIS side. It took him a long time and a lot of bullshit to get over her. So, I'm staying far away from it. If you want to wake Jay up and ask him questions, feel free, but I'll be right here staying out of it."

Voight smiled ever so slightly. "I know right?" he teased. "Feels like high school, passing notes in class." She could see in his face he was debating his next move. This is the sort of thing normal people stayed out of. Relationship stuff. But again, Lindsay was practically his kid and he couldn't let it go.

He shook his head walked over to the bedroom door and gave it a hard police officer pound. "Jay," he said with authority only a boss could use.

It took a minute, but a weary Halstead stepped through the door. His hair was a mess, his eyes were red from sleep, and his face was covered in sleep lines. He looked so cute Hailey had to force herself to look away. She watched him pull his tee shirt over his head and immediately felt cheated, he usually walked around for at least an hour without a shirt. Voight had robbed her of the best part of the day. Instead of letting it show she continued to clean the gun.

"Coffee in the kitchen," she said coolly.

Jay looked at her then said the thing that made her love him even more. "Sorry I stole your bed. Next time toss me in the bathtub or something. Or at least make ME take the couch."

Hailey smiled in satisfaction then shrugged. "I was okay, I've woken up in worse places." Her mind drifted back to waking up with her head on his chest. She'd absolutely woken up in worse places.

Jay looked over at Voight, "Boss. What's up?"

Voight got to the point. "I wanted to talk to you. Not professionally."

Jay's brow arched. "Talk over breakfast? I'm starving."

Voight nodded. "I can eat." He looked over to Hailey diplomatically. "You're welcome to tag along if you want. I know he's just gonna tell you anyway so you may as well listen in over breakfast."

Hailey laughed. "Yeah sure. Let me put this back together though."

Jay pointed at his Glock on the table. "You WERE gonna get mine too right?"

Hailey smiled. "What do you mean? I got yours first."

* * *

They had breakfast at a little diner two blocks away from Hailey's apartment named Sonny's. The place had been there for 30 years, making Sonny long dead. His son Eddie, a heavy set, grey haired man in his fifties with sunken brown eyes and a two pack a day cigarette habit, ran the place these days. Even though his name was Eddie, everyone in the restaurant called him Sonny like his father. He was reading the Tribune and looked up to give the trio a polite nod when they entered, but he was far from friendly. His friendliness had ended when he found out Hailey was a cop, rumor had it he had a kitchen full of illegals. Getting friendly with cops seemed counterintuitive she guessed.

Voight took a seat at a booth with a clear view of the street, walking right past the table a middle-aged waitress with glasses in her hair tried to guide him to. She opened her mouth to protest but looked in Sonny's direction and he shook his head, silently talking her down.

Jay slid into the booth directly across from him, moving in far enough for Hailey to sit beside him. The waitress was wearing a name tag identifying her as Ruby, but like Sonny it wasn't her real name. Ruby had been the veteran waitress on the floor when fake Ruby started taking orders almost 15 years previously. Real Ruby was Sonny's first employee and had moved to Florida to retire when he died. Retirement actually meant moving in with her son and serving as a live in babysitter while he and his wife worked, but Ruby apparently didn't mind. New Ruby, real name Marla, had taken her name tag as a joke, but kept wearing it long passed the point of it being funny. Now taking it off didn't make sense. Hailey suspected very few people actually realized her name wasn't really Ruby.

Ruby pulled thick glasses out of her hair, perched them on the tip of her nose and pulled a cheap ink pen from behind her ear. "Coffee Hailey," she asked, already scribbling in her pad. Hailey always had coffee, day or night and Ruby knew that. Hailey was in the place a couple times a week at least but had only told Ruby her name once the first day they met. Ruby, like any career waitress working on tips, remembered.

Hailey nodded, "like usual Ruby."

Ruby looked at Jay, her writing continued. Jay liked to switch it up to confuse her but if it worked, she never let on. "What'll it be today handsome, coffee, Iced Tea, milk? What's your poison?"

Jay wasn't in a playful mood today. "Coffee's fine, thanks Marla." Jay was the only one in the place who called her Marla and from what Hailey could tell Ruby found it sort of cute.

Ruby looked at Voight expectantly. "Coffee all around," he informed her. Ruby slid a menu down in front of him and Jay. Despite having eaten in the restaurant a few dozen times Jay still liked to peruse the menu, trying a variety of dishes at random. Hailey always ordered the same thing depending on the time of day, Veggie omelet in the morning, salad and soup at lunch, burger at night.

When Ruby disappeared, Voight jumped in feet first. "Erin called last night," he stated matter of fact. "She ran into Will in New York, he was at some conference and someone died in the hotel where he was staying, she was on scene. She was happy to see him, but he was kind of cold, she pressed him on it, and he told her he wasn't sure he should still be on good terms with her after turning down your proposal."

Ruby returned with the coffee and like any good waitress read the table and quickly made herself scarce. "Wave when you're ready," she said as she walked away. Hailey thanked her and quietly readied her coffee.

Jay sighed. "I knew it had to be something. She doesn't just call for no reason." She hadn't called at all Hailey knew, not once. Not on his birthday, not over the holidays, not when his dad died. Not once.

"She wants to talk to you. She told me she had no idea you were going to propose. If she HAD known that would have mattered to her."

Hailey wanted to scream. They were living together, talking about buying a place together. Practically engaged. How could she not anticipate that was coming? Of course, it was. Instead of screaming she sipped her coffee.

"I got nothing to say now boss. I had stuff to say back then. But she didn't give me a chance to say it. And I get it. Her life was a mess, things were falling apart, she weighed the pros and cons and made her best decision. It's fine. It hurt that I didn't get a say, but she did what was best for her. I understand. As to the other thing, her decision to leave told me everything I needed to know."

Hank looked at Jay without speaking then began to look at the menu. "They got French toast here?"

They sat in silence before he finally spoke up again, folding up the menu and waving over to Ruby. They ordered quickly and Ruby disappeared.

"I get it," Voight finally said. "I wouldn't want to talk to her either. But I said I'd ask."

Hailey waited for the other shoe to drop, but it didn't. Voight dropped the subject. Apparently high school was over. The conversation switched to a case they were working on and they ate breakfast in relative peace. Hailey was halfway through her second cup of coffee when Voight's phone rang. He look at the caller ID, shook his head and showed the phone to Jay. Lindsay. Jay rolled his eyes but surpringly motioned for the phone.

Something in Hailey's chest ached, but she steeled her nerves and let Jay out of the booth so he could speak in private. She wanted to punch his arm, order him to hang up the phone, but she didn't, couldn't.

"Yeah, its me," Jay said as he gave her shoulder a squeeze. When their eyes locked she could see the apology in them. He walked to an empty corner of the restaurant and made himself comfortable at an empty table. Hailey reclaimed her seat but didn't look in his direction.

"Think he'll forgive her," Voight asked?

The question made her angry, the thought of Erin being back, or Jay being gone, hurt. Instead of letting it show she simply shrugged.

"Maybe," she said painfully. "He wanted to marry her. If she apologizes he'll probably forgive her."

Voight considered this then sipped his coffee. He stared at her silently, before breaking that silence with more uncomfortable conversation. "Since I'm butting in, you and Ruzek?"

Hailey shook her head diplomatically. "That's over. Amicably. So amicably in fact everyone thinks we're still together. He's a good guy but things started to get complicated with the job and our relationship wasn't worth risking our careers over. So we called it quits. Zero drama."

Voight nodded. "Good. That's always the worry. Personal drama."

"Of course," Hailey said. She gave Jay a look across the room, watching him silently. Voight caught her looking but didn't make it weird.

"We need to talk about your paperwork," he said firmly. She almost smiled. Finally, something was going right.

* * *

Jay was upset, she could see it in his eyes. It was almost eleven when they made it back to her apartment, and on a typical day he'd be leaving. Today he planted himself on the couch and let his mind wander. She didn't press him about his conversation with Erin, it was much too soon for that. He'd talk when he was ready, and if not she'd make him talk, but not now. It was much too soon.

She planted herself on the couch next to him, giving him space, but not too much space. She instinctively turned on the TV and began flipping through the channels before landing on ESPN. She wasn't much for sports, well except for Hockey, but Jay loved it and she didn't mind. TV wasn't her thing anyway.

"You don't mind me hanging out do you," he asked. She knew his therapist had advised him not to wallow alone in his misery, so when he was feeling miserable he sought her out, and she never turned him away.

"No, not at all." She loved having him here. If he wasn't here she'd be sitting around alone.

They sat there, both half watching TV and before long she dozed off. When she woke up Burgess was in the uncomfy chair and ESPN had turned into Rich California housewives, Jay was gone.

"Hey," she said a bit confused. She and Burgess were friendly, but they weren't besties. The Adam situation had strained their friendship and even though they pushed passed it, hanging out was awkward. Burgess had never simply shown up to chill out.

"There she is," Burgess said hitting mute on the TV. "Halstead said he'd call you later."

Hailey stood, stretched and nodded before disappearing into the bathroom for a minute. When she emerged, Burgess was fiddling nervously with her phone. Without being told she knew something was up.

"So, what's up," she asked. Best attack these things head on she learned.

Burgess shifted uncomfortably in her seat. Hailey watched her lips purse and heard her breathe deeply. Okay, she thought, this could be weird.

"You and Jay," she finally said nervously. "Anything going on there?"

It was the last thing she expected, especially from Burgess. She must have made a face because Kim looked away quickly.

"Why? Are you thinking about?" she started to ask.

"No. No way," she said defensively. "Erin wants to know."

Somehow that made it worse. If Kim had wanted Halstead for herself, she'd have been upset but she would have at least understood that. And it would be cool that she talked to her about it first. She hadn't even given Kim the same consideration when she hooked up with Ruzek. Sure, she would put the kibosh on it, but there would have been no hard feelings.

"Erin can call me and ask herself, like a fucking grownup." She shook her head, finally having had enough of Erin Lindsay for one day. "I'll tell her what I told Voight when she had him track Jay down earlier today to get him on the phone. Leave me the hell out of it, so tell her not to drag me into it."

Burgess was red faced and Hailey realized she was blowing up at the wrong person.

She offered Burgess a frown and quickly apologized. "Look, I'm sorry Kim. I get it, she's your friend. You're doing her a solid."

Kim nodded quickly. "No, I get it. Believe me I do."

"And no. There's nothing going on between Jay and me." Still angry, but intrigued, she arched an eyebrow. "Why? What does she care? She's all the way in New York."

Kim fidgeted. "Maybe. She told me she found out Jay was going to propose. That really upset her because she almost didn't leave him. If she had known, she would have stayed. If he had asked, she'd have said yes. And she told me that if there's a chance for them still, she'll find a way to come back. At least fly back and try and win him over."

That was what she'd been afraid of. Lindsay wasn't stupid. Jay was a great guy who would never hurt her. Erin would be a fool not to try and get him back. If she were Lindsay, she'd have hopped on the first plane as soon as she heard the word propose. That wasn't true, if she were Erin she'd be married by now. She never would have left.

"Its been years," she said softly. "She can't just show up after two years expecting him to put a ring on her finger. Not after she broke his heart. It doesn't work that way."

Burgess frowned. "You're in love with him."

Hailey opened her mouth to deny it, but Burgess waved her off.

"Jay told her he was okay, that he moved on. She said she sensed a little wiggle room there though. And when she talked to Voight earlier, he told her Jay was with you last night. Voight told her it was strictly platonic, but she wasn't buying it for a second. Jay said your name one too many times, held you in too high regard. She can see something is there all the way from New York."

She started to speak but Burgess cut her off again. "Hailey, I like you. We're friends. But Erin has been like a big sister to me. So I'm going to tell her what you said, that you guys aren't together. But because we're friends, I'm telling you that I'm doing it before I actually do it. So, if you need to do anything, or say anything to him. You should. Because as bad as she screwed up, and she knows it's bad, if she comes here and gets in front of him, and she apologizes. It's going to be game over. And she's coming. She's definitely coming."

Hailey felt sick to her stomach.

* * *

Hailey spent that night stewing and waiting for Jay to call, he didn't. He sent a text around ten instead, a short message letting her know he was sorry, and he'd talk to her soon. She was let down but also a bit relieved. If he had called or come over, she surely would have done something drastic.

Hearing that Erin was likely coming back to Chicago was horrible news. Even if she was only back for a weekend it was a disaster. Jay had been seriously in love with her, happily ever after in love with her. If she said she was sorry and promised him she would never hurt him again, who knows what he'd do. If she decided to stay, it was like Burgess said, game over.

If Jay had called, or worse had come over, her fear and panic would have kicked in. Hailey was sure of it, if he had come over, she would have jumped the gun and made love to him. That usually wouldn't be a big deal, God knows she wanted him, but unplanned spur of the moment sex usually didn't turn into love and commitment. A night with Jay needed to be anticipated, romantic, and memorable. An impromptu romp would have just made things weird.

Sunday morning, she dragged herself out of bed, still exhausted. She had woken up three times during the night, once to pee and twice to eat cookies. Having already cleaned her gun the day before, she turned on the TV and forced herself to watch an old episode of a popular sitcom on Netflix. She loved the show, that episode in particular. The TV couple finally stopped playing games and got together. There had been bumps along the way, and typical TV hijinks, but ultimately, they worked it out and stayed together. They would spend the rest of the series in love and would eventually get married and have babies. She wished life was like TV.

It was almost one when someone knocked on the door. She had just climbed into a hot bath, turned out the bathroom lights, and closed her eyes. When she was stressed, soaking in a tub always helped.

Naked and wet, she groaned when she pulled herself out of the bath and wrapped her body in a towel. She walked through the apartment leaving wet footprints on the wood floor. Her heart raced when she saw Jay through the peephole. She looked down at herself, naked, wet, and wrapped in a towel. She briefly considered not opening the door but thought better of it. She didn't want him to leave.

She pulled the door open but unlike yesterday with Voight she didn't rush off. Jay stepped in, spotted the towel, then arched his brow with worry.

"You taking a bath? Everything okay?" Her heart melted. He knew her well, so well he knew her taking a bath meant she was worried about something.

She gave him a frown as he slipped inside. Half-naked or not, him leaving wasn't an option anymore. She closed the door behind him and offered a half-hearted shrug. "It's okay. Just baggage."

"Want to talk about it," he asked. There was worry in his voice and she found herself feeling bad. He had his own problems. Lindsay being top of the list. The thought of Erin showing up and ruining things infuriated her. Infuriated and scared her. If she came to Chicago it was game over. Burgess' words echoed in her mind and the jealous part of her brain that wanted Jay to herself took over.

She head back towards the dark bathroom, her mind racing, her heart pumping. She had to do something. Anything. Drastic or not. She held her breath, and with Jay surely watching pulled the towel away giving him a perfect unobstructed view of her bare ass. She gave the towel a half fold and tossed it on the sink. With her heart still racing, she turned her body just enough to give him a half view of her front and climbed back into the bathtub.

"I actually do need to tell you something. Pull up a chair." There was dead silence and she worried she freaked him out. Already pushing the envelope, she decided to follow Voight's lead and jump in feet first. "For God's sake Jay just come look already so we can talk." She laughed, her best relaxed casual laugh. "In fact, just get naked and climb in with me."

She expected an awkward refusal. Or a stern comment about her being weird. Instead Jay surprised her. He pulled a small kitchen chair into the bathroom and planted himself near the tub. And he did look, quickly and with her body partially obstructed by bubbles, but he looked.

"We're not both gonna fit in that tiny bathtub," he teased. Realizing he at least considered it, she felt a rush of excitement.

"Maybe not," she said doing her best to show him that seeing her naked was totally okay and normal. "I could have used you last night. I tossed and turned all night. Didn't sleep a wink ."

"Burgess," he asked?

"Yeah," she admitted. "Erin sent her to do recon. Are we together? What's our deal? That sort of thing." She looked over at him, his eyes were in his lap, not from awkwardness from her nakedness, but from worry. "Burgess thinks she'll come to try and win you back."

Jay ran a hand through his hair and let out a heavy sigh. "I told her I moved on. I don't want her to come."

She nodded. "I know. But I would come if I were her." She chuckled. "I would have come right away." She remembered her thought from yesterday, leaving the way Erin did was a fucked up thing to do. "Although to be fair, I never would have left in the first place. If I were her, we'd be married by now. Married and happy with a bathtub big enough to hold us both."

He laughed at that. Then added his own version of what if. "If not for her and Ruzek we might be together NOW. But if we get together suddenly we're THOSE people. The people who date their partners and their coworkers. We both already have a history of it. We'd never live it down."

She often thought about that too. How it would look. Would it make her look slutty. Or easy. Or make other cops lose respect for her.

"If it was real, really real, I'd be willing to transfer." She wasn't sure why she said it, but it was true. Being with Jay was worth her leaving Intelligence. Unlike with Ruzek, if she had to choose between Jay and the unit, he'd win.

Jay shook the comment off. "I told you, I go where YOU go. Vice, Narcotics, Special Victims, back on patrol. It doesn't matter to me."

"Burgess told me that I should say the things I need to before Erin shows up. I was up all night trying to figure out how. What to say to you. How to say it. I know what I want to tell you, but it's complicated. I'm afraid of what happens when she comes back. If I've said things and you forgive her, I can't unsay them. "

"You don't need to say anything else. And you don't need to worry about what happens when and if Erin shows up. Nothing is going to happen. Nothing at all." His eyes locked onto hers when he said it, and she knew in that moment that he at least believed it. That was something.

They sat in silence for a moment before she looked at him with playful annoyance. He looked back, a hint of a smile on his face.

"What," he asked with playfully.

She gave him a playful scowl. "Either strip down and get in or get out of here cowboy. Shows over."

He stood up with a smile and without warning began to kick off his shoes and pull off his shirt. Her eyes widened with shock and her face turned red.

"Jay," she said amazed at his sudden brazen attitude.

"What," he said laughing. "I didn't get a good enough look." He let his shirt fall back on and she felt a sudden wave of regret for opening her mouth. If she hadn't said anything maybe he would have actually gotten in with her.

Having missed her opportunity, she tried another tactic. "Oh, don't worry. You'll get to see plenty when we figure this all out. Now get out. I'm relaxing here."

Jay grabbed his chair and left the room. "Come in, get out. Get in, don't get in. Are you sure we're not already married," he teased.

Hailey couldn't help but laugh. "If we were married, you'd already know what I look like naked. In fact, you'd have pictures of naked me on your phone. In case you ever got lonely for me."

He laughed. "Now that's a good wife," he said as he disappeared into the kitchen.

* * *

"I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself. Don't tell me how to do my job." The words echoed through the squad room and from her desk Kim Burgess smiled at her old partner Kevin Atwater. They'd rode together for years and she couldn't remember them ever fighting half as much.

"What are they even fighting about," Kevin whispered.

Kim shrugged. "Those two? Who knows. It could be anything." Jay and Hailey had stormed out of the interview room and stomped angrily into the coffee room. It was a scene that happened at least once a week. Despite how close they were the two were often at each other's throats.

"Did I tell you how to do your job? No. But you're wrong. The guy was ready to go, and you jumped the gun and let him off the hook Hailey."

Kim gave Kevin another look. "The case."

"They fight a lot to be so close," Kevin said almost to himself.

That was true, but Kim understood it. They fought a whole lot. There was so much tension built up between them that any little snafu and they were pulling each other's hair. Still, of all the partners in the squad, they were the ones Voight considered the most solid. Kevin and Adam had taken offense, but Voight explained that Halstead and Upton told one another everything. They fought like an old married couple, but when one had something going on, no matter how bad, the other always knew what it was.

"It's their process," Kim said knowingly. Actually, it was the way they expelled all that sexual tension that floated around between them. That passion had to come out somewhere and since they weren't having sex, they fought. When they stopped fighting over every little thing, Kim knew it would be because they were working the tension off some other way, probably through sex.

"You don't know what you're talking about. He wasn't gonna go. He was two seconds away from asking for a lawyer. We gotta let him cool down and go back at him later. With a better plan."

"That kid wasn't ready to go," Kevin said with a laugh.

Kim scoffed. "Not at all."

The fight ended just as abruptly as it started, and Kim watched in awe as Halstead and Upton emerged from the coffee room all smiles. Halstead had a cup of coffee in his hand and Upton was drinking a bottled water. From the look of them you would never be able to tell they were just fighting.

On paper they shouldn't make sense. They were polar opposites. Jay was emotional, a former Army Ranger, gung-ho and ready to kick down a hundred doors if necessary. Hailey was much more deliberate. She didn't say much, and her face didn't betray any of her emotions. When Kim had gone to see her the other day on Erin's behalf and Hailey blew up and snapped at her, it scared her. Hailey wasn't the type of person to snap at you, Kim had very rarely seen her get her feathers ruffled. The situation with Jay and Erin was the first time she'd seen her really angry. She heard her scream before, mostly at Jay, but always in private and behind closed doors, but she'd never actually seen her angry until she'd brought up Erin Lindsay.

"What's up," Jay said sipping his coffee. "Guy's almost ready to go," he informed Kim and Kevin. "Where is everybody?"

Voight had taken Adam with him when he left, and Voight being Voight, didn't bother telling anyone where he was going. Antonio had popped his head in once this morning but took off just as quickly and hadn't been seen since.

"Voight and Adam hit the street. Antonio?" Kevin shrugged.

Hailey scanned the room then looked at her watch. "I'm gonna go grab some food. That taco place around the corner, you guys want anything."

Kevin clapped his hands and began to rub them together with anticipation. Depending on what they were having that day, Kevin had a variety of favorite foods.

"Tacos, count me in," he said nodding his head.

Kim had missed breakfast and her stomach had been growling for the past ten minutes. Lunch was just what the doctor ordered. She dug a few bills out of her purse and scribbled her order on a piece of paper. She walked over to Kevin who took twice as long to decide what he wanted, asking her several questions about the restaurant's menu despite having ordered from there dozens of times. He finally settled on the exact same thing he always got, Kim prodded him for cash and wrote down his order.

Kim handed the cash and scrap of paper to Hailey who shoved it in her back pocket without looking at any of it and looked at Jay. "Hungry?" She didn't bother waiting for an answer. She walked over to his desk fished his wallet out of a desk drawer and pulled out a few bills. When she was satisfied, she tossed the wallet back in the drawer and headed out. It occurred to Kim in that moment that Hailey going through Jay's wallet wasn't a big deal for either of them. They were seemingly passed trivial things like boundaries. In fact, Hailey didn't even ask him what he wanted. She didn't need to ask. They knew each other that well. Erin was definitely in trouble she thought.

* * *

Hailey could smell the food wafting from the take-out bags. She was starving. She'd had a slice of toast for breakfast this morning having slept through her alarm. She made it to work with minutes to spare but instantly regretted not stopping for donuts.

It had been a typical Tuesday morning, she and Jay had picked up a dealer on an old warrant with the goal of getting a confession and flipping him before tossing him back out on the street as a new informant. That was how most cases were made, through the help of informants, and a cop was only as good as their informants.

When she got back to the station she stopped at Platt's desk and passed off her order. Most cops wouldn't have thought to ask the desk sergeant if she were hungry, but Hailey knew most cops were stupid. Keeping Platt happy was the key to being successful in the house. If she liked you, your life was relatively smooth. If she didn't, you were screwed. Trudy Platt had saved Hailey's ass on more than one occasion and that had earned her fierce loyalty. Grabbing her lunch occasionally was a small price to pay.

Hailey slipped passed Platt without word, the woman was in the middle of a small crisis involving a couple of patrol officers and a missing department flashlight. A seemingly small loss, but a huge embarrassment not only for the officers in question, but for the entire department. Hailey felt a small twinge of pity for the officers as she walked up towards the squad. If that flashlight didn't turn up, they would never make it off patrol.

Kim and Kevin were still at their desks when she stepped back into the squad room, but the energy in the room had changed. They were both sporting big smiles and neither were working. She waved a bag in their direction and she watched Kim's smile fade away. Something definitely had happened while she was gone.

She dropped the bag on Kim's desk, studying her face, then emptied a hand full of change out on the desk corner along with the note she'd scribbled with her and Kevin's order and the receipt.

Kim didn't speak, but Kevin was still smiling. Hailey decided to ask him what was going on, he didn't seem to notice that Kim suddenly wasn't happy.

"What's going on Atwater."

Kevin was already on his feet and making his way to Kim's desk to start lunch. "Lindsay's back. Or should I say Special Agent Erin Lindsay of the FBI."

Hailey forced a smile, but in her mind, she screamed out 'FUCK' as loud as she could. She knew Lindsay was considering coming back. But she hadn't expected her to do it so quickly. Most people couldn't just leave their job without notice to fly halfway across the country to see an old boyfriend. She figured she had a few weeks to get things worked out with Jay. If she had been lucky, they'd already be in the middle of something when Erin showed up. Of course, that had been a dream scenario. Life had never worked out so smoothly for her, why would it start now?

"Oh yeah," she asked, trying not to show any emotion. "Lindsay's back?" She looked at Kim a little peeved she hadn't given her a heads up.

Kim nodded. "Yeah, she and Jay are in the coffee room catching up." There was a look of something in her eyes, something that looked dangerously like pity.

Being pitied, worried about and felt sorry for, had always made her angry. She hated looking weak, so she had built a reputation for herself as a fighter. Cold, careful, level-headed, and tough. She did her best not let others see her rattled, and very few people had ever saw her get angry.

Her first instinct was to storm into that coffee room, grab Jay by the collar and plant a big sexy kiss on him. Then she would grab Erin by the collar and punch her hard in the face and tell her to go back to New York. That would surely make her feel good. But it wouldn't help anything. So instead of doing any of that she sat down at her desk, dug out her veggie burrito, and started lunch.

"Did Jay get that kid to flip," she asked as she took a bite. From her desk Kim stared at her with unmistakable confusion.

"No," Kim muttered out hesitantly. Hailey didn't really care about the answer. She chewed her food and fantasized about punching Erin Lindsay in the face as hard as she could.

* * *

Jay barreled out of the coffee room without speaking and stormed off down the stairs with a head full of steam. Hailey instinctively rose to her feet to go after him. When he was this angry it wasn't great that he be alone. Her typical move was to go to him and ask him if he was okay. He'd lie and say he was, and she'd call him on the lie. Eventually she'd leave, giving him a chance to stew but with him knowing that she was there for him. When she went back to him, he'd be more open to talking.

Today wasn't one of those days. This was different. He wasn't angry, he was hurt. Erin was uprooting his life, confusing things. He'd taken so much time to get himself healthy. He had a lot of baggage. War, work, love. He was finally finding a way to juggle it all and she shows up and throws it all out of whack.

She took a few steps towards the stairs, intent on following him, making him talk to her. She only got about two feet before someone called her name.

"Upton," Erin said firmly. Her voice was like nails on a chalkboard. "Give him a minute."

That jealous piece of her began to rumble. How dare her show up after all this time, upending and disrupting things, then having the nerve to tell her what to do. How dare her think she had the right to show up and reclaim things she'd carelessly thrown away. Oh, I'm sorry, did I drop this perfectly great guy and break his heart? My bad. I want him after all. Kindly go away please so I can break his heart all over again.

She turned to face her, having heard enough. When she opened her mouth to speak Burgess cut her off. "Hailey," she said in her best commanding tone. "Give him a few minutes."

Erin Lindsay looked like she had when Hailey had seen her last. Beautiful, with her perfect hair and pretty face. She was wearing jeans and heavy boots with a tight fitting tee-shirt like always, but she didn't have a badge clipped to her hip like the rest of them. Still, she didn't look like an FBI agent. FBI agents wore suits and had plain haircuts. They didn't look like hotties with big breasts and perfect hair.

She turned to give Kim a glare. She pointed at her and opened her mouth to warn her not to tell her what to do. She didn't manage to get it out before Erin cut in.

"Upton, you got a minute?"

Hailey continued to glare at Kim. "Don't interfere," she said coldly. "Do us both a favor and mind your own business."

Hailey said the words with a cool head, but she saw Burgess shrink inside herself. She turned to Erin and extended an open palm towards the coffee room. Erin was looking at her with a raised eyebrow. She clearly didn't like how she'd just spoken to Kim, but she was taking the advice Kim had just gotten and wasn't interfering.

Hailey took a few steps towards the coffee room, stopped in her tracks and turned to face Burgess. She was being a bitch. Kim was her friend and she didn't deserve to be treated that way.

"Kim, I'm sorry," she said as she looked over her shoulder. Burgess still looked meek. "I just don't like people getting between Jay and me. I've been here, I know what he needs. If he needed a minute I'd be the one who decided that. That being said I shouldn't have snapped at you. It won't happen again."

Kim looked confused again, but Hailey didn't give her a chance to respond. She walked silently off into the coffee room and leaned against the counter, crossing her arms on her chest.

Erin was a few seconds behind and pulled the door closed when she stepped inside. She shoved her hands in her pockets and shook her head with what Hailey decided was pity. Something inside her began to boil. It was the second time today she'd gotten that look.

"That wasn't cool Hailey, Kim was just trying to help," Erin said softly.

"And you heard me apologize, so what's up? What can I do for you?"

She watched Erin debate something in her head and decided that Lindsay didn't actually have a plan. She was flying by the seat of her pants. Typical, she figured.

"Jay," she finally said. "I know what you must be thinking. My showing up here out of the blue."

Hailey waved the comment off. "No, I get it. Of course, you came back. Probably shouldn't have left in the first place though." No reasonable woman would have left. Especially not without saying goodbye.

"It was complicated," Erin said defensively. Her leaving was apparently a sore subject for her. Of course it was, leaving was stupid, and selfish, and wrong. Who wouldn't want to pretend it never happened?

"So was coming back, but you worked that out right?"

This bothered her, really bothered her. Her attempts at being cordial were over. "You sleeping with him? Is that what this is about? Voight says you guys are platonic, but I know that's not true. He doesn't rest his head where he doesn't feel safe and comfortable. If he's sleeping at your place, he's sleeping with you. We both know that's true."

Hailey smirked. "You don't know anything. We're not sleeping together. Well, we aren't having sex at least. We look out for each other. Take care of each other." She uncrossed her hands and shoved them in her front pockets. "I'm a safe space for him."

"Look, what I did," she started.

"Is between you and Jay. It's none of my business. I don't like it, but that doesn't matter. It's not for me to like." She finally looked at Erin, really looked at her and admitted to herself what she'd been so afraid of. "He loves you. He wanted to marry you. He wanted to be your husband and make a family with you. But like I said he still loves you. So he may forgive you. And if he does, I want you to know it wouldn't be a good idea to hurt him again."

Instead of recognizing that she was agreeing to stay out of her way, Erin took offense. "Is that a threat? You threatening me Hailey?"

Hailey sighed. Fuck her. Who does she think she is?

"In fact, it IS a threat. Hurt him again and I'll kick the shit out of you." Screw dancing around things.

Erin extended her arms as if to say come at me. "I'll do whatever the hell I want with him and it's none of your goddamn business. I'm standing right here if you have a problem with it."

Hailey took a commanding step forward just in time for the door to burst open. Jay rushed into the room and stepped between them, but it was her he was facing. "Hailey, what the hell?"

She looked at him, stared into his eyes and immediately felt ashamed. "I was sitting at my desk." The words came out sounding silly. "I was minding my own business," she continued.

He looked at her, grabbed her shoulders gently and began to nod. "It's okay. We're okay. Take a walk and give me a minute." She said something else, something fast and garbled but he seemed to understand what it was. "It's okay, it's fine." He motioned towards the door with his head. "Go."

She left the room feeling like shit. She was supposed to be level-headed. Cool, calm, and relaxed. But here she was getting into it in the squad with Erin Lindsay. She walked down the hall feeling like an asshole and in the distance she heard Jay's angry voice.

"Erin what the fuck," he asked. "You start shit with Hailey in the squad. You trying to jump something off?"

"How the fuck was I supposed to know she would freak out. She's usually ice cold. I have a right to know what's up."

Jay laughed. "You don't have the right to shit."

When Hailey stepped back into the squad Kim and Kevin were sitting at their desks. Kim looked at her quickly and shook her head. "It wasn't me. I didn't go get him." Kevin looked guilty at his desk and Hailey wondered if he'd sprinted down the block to find Jay and run all the way back.

"It's fine," she said as she made a beeline for the stairs. "I'm out front, maybe walking the block. I need some air."

* * *

Hailey breathed the fresh air, taking in long deep breaths and calming her nerves. She realized that she was suddenly THAT girl, the girl who fought in the office over a guy. She knew her friends would forgive her, overlook her faults, she would and HAD done the same for them. But this was different. The others had gotten themselves in various troublesome situations because they cared too much about the work, gotten too invested in a case. That often brought trouble down on their heads requiring the squad to look out for them. That wasn't this, this was personal drama. Personal drama over a guy who technically wasn't even hers.

She had to face this head on, look herself in the eyes and admit she'd screwed up. Hiding around the corner wasn't going to do anything productive. She sucked in another breath of fresh air and head back towards the station.

When she stepped inside Trudy Platt was eating her lunch at her desk and when she spotted Hailey her eyes narrowed. "You okay?" she mumbled out between bites.

Hailey nodded. "Just needed some air Sarge," she shot back quickly.

Platt knew it wasn't true, she always knew, but she didn't press the issue.

"Its okay every now and again. Getting in someone's face. Just make sure it's not the boss. Now get back up there and pretend like it never happened."

Hailey gave her a half smile. "That's not likely."

Platt wiped a stray smudge of guacamole from the corner of her mouth. "Sure it is. Anyone asks tell them to mind their own business."

She offered Platt a nod and head back upstairs intent to get to work. Trudy Platt was the reason Hailey became a cop. As a girl she idolized the female cop that stepped into her life on the worst day of her childhood. The lady cop, as her dad called her, had impressed Hailey so much she'd modeled herself after her that day. If Trudy Platt said go pretend it never happened then that's what she'd do.

She took the steps two at a time and when she reached the landing she saw things had quieted down. Jay was at his desk finally digging into his lunch. Kevin and Kim were still at their desks and when they saw her looked at her expectantly. Ruzek was back, he was sitting at his desk wolfing down a sub sandwich. He gave her a nod when he saw her but seemingly hadn't heard about the drama. Voight was in his office and Erin was sitting across from him. Hailey had a sinking feeling in her stomach when they both looked at her, Erin even turned halfway in her seat to get a look.

Intent to follow Trudy's advice and pretend it hadn't happened Hailey walked towards the office with her best blank stare. From her desk Kim's eyes widened but having been told once already to mind her own business she stayed out of it, not moving a muscle. Atwater looked nervous but he didn't move either. Jay was the only one who spoke. He looked at her curiously and asked a simple, "You good?"

She nodded. "I'm good." Jay being Jay he only nodded then went back to eating lunch. She could see Atwater looking at him expectantly, he expected drama and fireworks. There would be none of that.

She gave Voight's door a knock and was quickly invited in. He looked at her in the way only he could, betraying nothing. "What's up Hailey, you got something?"

She looked at Erin with an arched eyebrow. "I got a guy in interview we're gonna flip and kick. Want to help me scare the Hell outta him. Work one for old times sake."

Voight laughed. "You're gonna give the kid a heart attack bringing an FBI agent in there with you."

Hailey smiled. "I know but I could use a laugh. How about you Lindsay, could you use a good laugh?"

Erin briefly didn't know how to take the offer, but rebounded fast. She pushed herself up from her chair and smiled, but just a bit. "Sure, we can run one. I could use something good today."

Hailey stepped back into the squad and gave Jay a playful look. "I'm gonna wrap up that guy in interview. Twenty bucks he goes in under five minutes."

Jay made a face, showing his disbelief. "No way," he mumbled out between chews. "He's been sitting too long."

Erin waved his words off. "Doesn't matter, Hailey and I get him in under five minutes."

Jay looked at her, smiled, then shrugged. "Well yeah, if you take an FBI agent in there with you."

"Chicken," Hailey teased.

"I'll take that action, five minutes or less for 20 bucks. That's not nearly enough time," Adam said eagerly.

Erin pointed at him eagerly. "Deal." She took a few steps toward the interview room sighed and stopped in her tracks. "For the record we're not gambling on the outcome of the case, or looking to unduly influence the suspect . No financial motive on behalf of the investigators will effect the suspect's guilt or innocence. He is in fact innocent of all charges until proven guilty in a court of law. Agreed?"

Everyone in the room nodded dumbly.

"Way to suck the air out of the room Erin," Adam teased.

Lindsay shook her head. "Fucking FBI, man."

* * *

Jay stepped into her apartment with caution, or at least pretend caution. His face was serious but his eyes were smiling. His eyes never betrayed him. It had been a long day and neither had brought up Erin in the squad but she was looming over them all day like a storm cloud.

"You're not gonna kick my ass too are you?" he teased.

"Depends on what you've done." It was a joke, or at least it was supposed to be, but they both knew there was a hint of seriousness to it. A lingering question, what happened?

"I did exactly what we talked about," Jay said swiftly. Joke time was over apparently. "I told her exactly what I said I would."

Hailey nodded. "About that, I had no right going after her that way. I was wrong. But I can't sit back and watch her hurt you again. I told her that I know how you feel about her and said that you could maybe forgive her. But if you did she better not hurt you again. Things got weird after that."

He laughed. "I saw that."

"I threatened to kick her ass." She shook her head with embarrassment. "I never thought I'd be that girl, fighting with some other girl at work over a guy. We made fools out of ourselves."

Jay's eyes widened with shock. "You're kidding right? You guys flipped a con together right after that. In three minutes. Personal shit is personal shit. But you guys put that aside and got the work done. When Atwater saw you guys go into interview he looked at me with shock. Burgess looked him square in the eyes and told him you guys are solid. Friends disagree, even at work, but at the end of the day you guys are solid."

"Not sure how solid we are but we won't be throwing down in the squad."

Jay laughed, "So solid. Like I said."

"I let it get away from me, it won't happen again. I don't want to make problems for you." Hailey didn't really care for Erin, but she loved Jay, she understood that now. If making peace with her was going to make his life easier for one second of one day, she'd do it.

"It's fine. I appreciate you having my back. Erin just popped up. I wasn't ready for it." He walked over to the couch and collapsed into it, letting out a heavy sigh as he did. He looked beaten, the day hadn't been kind to him.

"Too much to ask what she wanted?" It had been bugging her all day. What Erin's pitch had been.

He shook his head. "She apologized for not looking me in the eyes when she left. Said that was a mistake. Leaving wasn't a mistake she said, just leaving without talking to me." He offered a timid laugh. "She was so damn confident it pissed me off."

Hailey tried to look on the bright side. "At least she apologized. If she felt she had to go, that is what it is, right?"

"I guess. She asked me if I was gonna propose to her. I admitted I was. She got upset. Not at me, just in general. She told me that if I had asked she'd have said yes. She wanted me to know it wasn't just in my head, me and her. That was really important to her. Me knowing the two of us were real. She said her leaving wasn't about us. Then she said if it wasn't weird we could grab dinner or something tonight. She flew out just for today, some evidence she hand delivered as an excuse to come. But she heads back tomorrow."

Hailey understood what Erin's dinner invitation meant. Let's give it a shot, see if it's worth trying again. Its exactly what she would have done. Although with her, dinner would have meant sex. If she were Erin getting Jay in bed would be priority one. Reminding him how good they were together would be the goal. Once they slept together again, the rest was easy enough to figure out.

"So you going?" She felt like a lovesick school girl asking, but she had to know.

He seemed confused. "Where?"

She almost laughed but her nervous stomach prevented it. "Dinner?"

"God no. I can't go back there. I won't." He sounded confident. Really confident and his words gave her peace. "I appreciate her apologizing. That meant something. And letting me know I didn't make it all up. That helped a lot. But I'm done with that. I told her if I knew she was leaving I would have gone with her and she said she knew that, it made sense. She needed to get away from everything and everyone. Her mom. Voight. Her past. Me. Her feeling that way, confirming it, told me everything I needed to know. She loved me, I realize that. But not enough."

Hailey didn't know what to say. She knew Erin had her demons, her past loomed large over her. She heard rumors about why she'd left, and if even one of them were true it made sense for her to go. But the other stuff wasn't okay. Being in a shitty situation wasn't a free pass to treat people you love like crap.

"It wasn't on you. She had her reasons, none of which were about you. If she didn't love you enough to stay with you, or take you with her." Hailey just shrugged.

"I know," he said with shaky confidence. He looked at her and for the first time she could see he was being strong, or at least trying to be. "You mind if I stay the night." He laughed nervously. "Monsters under my bed, you know."

She nodded, doing her best not to seem too eager. "Sure. Of course you can stay."

* * *

Kim Burgess looked across the room as Erin Lindsay shook hands and laughed with old friends. The job hadn't been the same since she'd gone and Kim liked seeing her back in Molly's, laughing, drinking, smiling with friends.

Erin's leaving had been abrupt. One day she was in trouble with Internal Affairs, the next she was just gone. All Kim had gotten was a text and that had hurt. She had thought her and Erin were close, she even looked up to her like a big sister. She hadn't expected a teary goodbye, but she HAD expected a goodbye.

Erin had bungled her leaving. Even she knew that. She hadn't even said goodbye to Jay. That was something Kim couldn't understand, Jay absolutely worshipped her. Not saying goodbye to him, hugging him, reassuring him, making love to him one last time, was cruel and insensitive. When Kim learned that THAT'S how she'd said goodbye to him also, through a message, she'd lost a bit of respect for her friend. Jay had been a complete mess when she'd gone, and only now did it make sense.

Hailey for all her cold stares and distant attitudes, had nursed him back to health emotionally. She had let him spiral for a while, but when things went wrong, really wrong, she had been there to clean things up. Clean HIM up. Suddenly Jay was in therapy and was finally in a relatively healthy place. His life would never be normal, he'd seen too much in his short time on Earth, but he was as healthy as he could be. That, Kim knew, was due to Hailey Upton.

Erin slapped a few backs, had a few laughs, and made her way over to Kim. When she slid into the booth across from her Kim took a sip of beer. Erin's smile quickly faded.

"I wanted to say I'm sorry. For the way I left. Without saying goodbye. We're friends and you deserved better."

Kim wanted to agree but forced herself to nod. "It's cool. I get it. Desperate times."

Erin's brow furrowed. "That's nice of you to say, but we both know I left carnage in my midst. Voight told me earlier that I'm the villain of this story. I never thought of it that way. Not in all this time. He didn't know I didn't say goodbye to Jay. Not face to face at least. Hank said Jay probably only took my call out of respect for him, because Jay was sitting across from him when I called. He said he wouldn't blame Jay for a second if he didn't speak to me ever again."

Kim wanted to say something nice, but there was nothing nice to say. All she could do was tell her the truth, that's what friends did. "I was pissed you didn't say goodbye. And I'm not in love with you. When I found out he got the same goodbye message. I couldn't imagine what he must have felt. Then to learn he was going to propose." Kim shook her head with disbelief. "No wonder he was so screwed up. If you had to go, I get it. If you needed to go alone, I get that too. But Erin you should have looked him in his eyes and told him it wasn't about him. Took him to bed one last time. Left things on relatively good terms. Walk away from him leaving fond memories. What you did, almost broke him. If Hailey wasn't there, he'd be gone."

Erin had listened intently, finally nodding her agreement. "It was something Bunny would have done."

Kim had thought the same thing but would have never said it. It was too low a blow. "It was bad," she said with a nod of the head.

"The way he looked at me today," Erin shook her head and something in her face seemed to break. For the briefest of moments Kim thought Erin was going to break down, but the moment was fleeting. She hardened quickly. "He's never looked at me that way before. Not ever."

"He was pretty angry then?" Kim had heard them fighting, she knew he was pissed.

Shockingly Erin shook her head. "It's not the anger. He's been pissed at me before. But when he looked at me I could always see how much he loved me in his eyes. His eyes don't lie. When he looked at me today I saw something else. He was afraid of me. That broke my heart Kim. I hurt him that badly that he's actually afraid of what I'd do to him if we got back together. And that's my fault. Not Bunny's, not the job's, not Hailey's. Mine."

Kim frowned. "I'm sorry. Sounds like it sucks."

Erin nodded. "It does. But what hurt even worse, when Hailey and I started to mix it up, when he stepped into the room he went to HER instead of me. THAT sucked. That was a fucking dagger to the heart man. And Hailey looked so," she struggled to find the word. "Fragile."

Kim almost laughed. "Fragile isn't the word I'd use to describe Hailey," Kim said as she sipped her beer.

Erin's eyes widened and she leaned across the table giving Kim's hand a playful pat. "Right. I never saw that coming. He's looking at her, and she's looking at him all wide eyed. And with me standing right there in the room she says to him, I just want to keep her from hurting you again. I can't see you that way ever again." Erin sighed. "I couldn't say anything. It was so fucking raw and honest it threw me."

Wow, Kim thought. "She's crazy protective of him. The only time she's ever raised her voice to me has been over him. I heard she even let a suspect off easy to keep him out of trouble. This was right after you left. It was a perfect storm, girl, struggling war vets. I don't have the details but Antonio says it was borderline obstruction."

"Jesus," Erin said lightly.

A silence fell over the table before Kim asked the question that had been looming over the past few days. "What you gonna do? Try and win him back? You probably could."

Erin shook her head. "No. He needs some time. And Hailey's done the dirty work, cleaned up the mess I made. She deserves her shot. I'll give him some distance. For now I'll stay in New York for a while. But I'll be back in a year or two, Chicago is home. If I'm single and he's single I'll go for it. If they're together I'll behave. But if I get a whiff of him being unhappy all bets are off."

Kim laughed. "Yeah?"

Erin nodded. "Oh yeah. Never claimed to be a saint. If I wasn't an idiot I'd be Erin Halstead by now. There was a time I used to dream about that. I wanted that so bad Kim. When I heard he was gonna give it to me but I left. I felt like crying. He's the love of my life."

"He know that," Kim asked?

"He should," she said a bit too shaky and unsure.

"You tell him," she asked? "You should. That's a proper goodbye. That and sex."

"I'll tell him. But the sex ain't happening. I tried to get him to have dinner with me. If he had come I would have thrown a wrench into him and Hailey. She must have sniffed that out and kept him locked down." She shrugged. "Its probably better this way. She and I left things pretty solid between us. No need rocking the boat. After that dustup, putting a case down together was a good handshake." She laughed. "All we need is the guys thinking we're gonna be in some catfight. They needed to see us put it aside and get back to work."

Kim agreed with that. Seeing Hailey come back after cooling off and immediately extend an olive branch made her proud. "Definitely. Atwater was amazed, he expected drama. I told him it wasn't a big deal. Cops first. Always cops first."

Erin raised her club soda. "Always."

* * *

Hailey yawned pulling herself off Jay's bare chest. The clock read 2:16 am and she realized she should grab a few hours of sleep or she'd drag ass all day. Jay had offered to sleep on the couch but she'd refused. They had shared the bed several times already, and nothing, especially not Erin Lindsay, was going to make that suddenly weird. He fell asleep almost immediately and when he did she snuggled up close. She lay on his chest for hours, listening to his deep sleepy breaths, occasionally closing her eyes, but failing to sleep.

This is what she wanted. Every night if she could get it. She had never been an emotional person. Through the years she worked to make herself cold, distant even. Since she'd lost the man she loved, she hadn't allowed herself to go there again. The risk was too high. Then she met Jay. He had broken through all her defenses. He was damaged, like her, and like her he needed someone there. When he got in trouble, emotional or otherwise, she showed up for him. Even when he didn't want her to. She knew he was special when he did the same for her. It had become their thing. When times got rough they sought solace in each other.

Adam, God bless him, had tried to step in and play that role. He wanted to be the person she went to when she hurt, but she didn't allow that, didn't want that. Jay held her emotions. It became clear to her that letting Adam in had been merely practice, a dry run for what she hoped to have with Jay. She broke up with Adam when she realized she wasn't willing to fight to save their relationship. That night she and Jay had gotten drunk and she'd fallen asleep in his bed. He slept on the couch but a few days later they'd fallen asleep together watching old sitcoms on late night TV. From that night on they always slept together, side by side. Before long they were cuddling and soon after she was waking up on his chest.

She tilted her head back far enough to see his face and smiled. "I'm jealous of her," she admitted. She'd never admit it when he was awake but telling him while he was asleep still counted she figured. "I don't want her around. I want her gone so we can be," she chuckled. "Whatever this is." She breathed deeply. "I love you. I know now isn't the time to say it. But it's true."

There, she thought. She'd said it out loud at least once. It was real, official. She closed her eyes with the weight finally off her back. It was freeing. Liberating even. She knew she could sleep now.

She sighed. "One of these days I'm going to strip naked and climb on top of you Jay Halstead. And you won't know what hit you."

Hailey woke up to her phone ringing. This early it meant a case. Dead bodies was the only thing that beat her alarm in the morning. Underneath her Jay mumbled into his phone.

"Halstead," he said wearily. He listened intently then said okay. When he hung up his phone she answered her own.

"Upton." Kim's voice broke through her sleep.

"Hailey we got a case. I'm sending you the address. Go get Jay and meet us there."

"Yep," Hailey said before hanging up.

When she pulled away from Jay she felt her sticky skin pull away from his and realized she must have taken her shirt off in the night. When she pulled her body out of bed, her breasts were on full display and she saw Jay take in an eyeful. She let him look, let his eyes take her in.

Sometime during the night she decided to move things along. That meant taking baby steps. Seeing her naked being first on the list. He needed emotional distance from Erin so sex was out. But showing him what to expect was okay. That was perfectly okay.

Jay must have noticed her watching him looking because he quickly looked away. She looked him in the eyes and made herself clear.

"I told you, you can see as much or as little of me as you want. Don't be weird. You've seen me in the bath. You've seen my breasts before, you'll see them again. Look as much as you want. But now we have a case, so take a mental picture and get up. In the meantime, I'll grab one of those shirts I bought for you for just this situation. You know the ones you said you didn't need."

A few weeks ago, Hailey had bought shirts, boxer shorts, and sweat socks and stuck them in her closet on the off chance Jay stayed over and wanted to avoid showing up for work wearing the same clothes two days in a row. Jay laughed and told her it was a waste of money. Ha, who's laughing now she thought.

Jay looked at her defeated. "Fine, you were right. It was a good idea. This weekend we can throw some stuff in my closet for you. Shirts, socks, underwear, a toothbrush. Lady products. Whatever you need."

Hailey laughed. "You're such a guy. The word tampons isn't gonna kill you."

"I know. I just don't want to get too familiar," he said, clearly uncomfortable.

"You're looking at my breasts and talking about my vagina, I'd say we're well past familiar," she teased. "But for argument's sake, if I keep a box of tampons at your place, you should probably buy some condoms. Any guy not related by blood who is buying your tampons gets to have sex with you. That's a rule. Thing is. That may be a problem. It's getting into boyfriend territory and I'm not sure you're there yet."

He looked almost offended. "I'm not? I'm the one who brought it up."

She nodded. "True. But you haven't taken me out yet. We hang out, but we haven't gone out yet."

"Where you want to go?"

"Wherever my boyfriend takes me, I'm not high maintenance. Just a nice dinner place with tablecloths." She walked towards the bathroom. "If he's lucky he may even get to use those condoms he's buying."

Jay laughed. "We better talk about this later, the unit is gonna be waiting on us."

"I'll start coffee, you hit the bathroom first."

* * *

Some cases solved themselves. People were murdered but the killer walked around all day with the murder weapon tucked in his waistband like an idiot. Witnesses gave descriptions. Security cameras worked. Things just went right. Another day in Chicago.

Hailey sat at her desk typing up her report, but it was barely ten am and she had the entire day to finish. From his desk across the way Jay sent her a text. A screenshot of a text conversation with Erin.

**Jay, I know I hurt you and I know you don't forgive me. I don't blame you. But I used to dream of being Mrs. Jay Halstead. I threw that away and I'll always regret it. You are the love of my life. I'm sorry for hurting you, but more importantly I'm sorry for leaving without you.**

**I love you too Erin, I always will. But I'm moving forward.**

**With Hailey?**

**? She's cool. There's something there. She's good at saving me from myself. Even when I don't deserve it.**

**Because she loves you. I can see it a mile away. She'll never hurt you. And she's crazy protective of you. I saw that first hand. You deserve someone fussing over you. But put her on notice, if she slips up, I'll be back. Ten weeks, ten months, ten years. Doesn't matter. I'll always come back. Like I said you're the love of my life. Hopefully I'll see you soon.**

Hailey's stomach turned. How could she be nice and a bitch at the same time? She sent Jay a text of her own.

**She can wait ten decades, I ain't going nowhere.**

Across the room Jay began to crack up laughing, and from her desk Kim Burgess smiled just a tad. She couldn't possibly know what Jay was laughing at, but she probably had a good idea. Kim was a true friend. Hailey had to remember to take her out for drinks as a proper apology.

"Burgess, save a day for me soon. I owe you a girls night."

Kim nodded her head. "We'll set it up."

"Any day but Saturday," Jay cut in. "Don't forget Hailey we got that thing Saturday."

Hailey's heart leapt to her throat. "Already, that snuck up on me quick."

Jay shrugged and continued typing. "No backing out now."

Hailey scoffed. "You think I'm scared of some fancy tablecloths?"

Across the room Ruzek's ears perked up. Hailey had briefly forgot he was there and immediately began to wonder if she were being insensitive. "What fancy tablecloths?" He seemed genuinely interested, but Hailey didn't know if he was simply fishing for information. By now Atwater had definitely told him about her and Erin's fight yesterday.

Jay, sensing trouble, cut the speculation off quickly. "A family thing I gotta go to. Formal. I needed a plus one. I was gonna take Burgess but I didn't need her all over me trying to get my pants off."

Burgess, ever a good wing woman, didn't bat an eye. She shot Jay the finger and flashed him a look of disapproval. "Oh, they were coming off alright. We'd get you in something really pretty too Dollface. And tight."

Jay just laughed. "See what I'm working with Ruzek. Need one favor, and one turns me into a Chippendales model, the other a handy man. Got me putting together IKEA furniture."

Ruzek smiled but Hailey could tell he wasn't convinced. It didn't matter however because Burgess changed the subject and completed the lie.

"Oh, you bought that IKEA shelf we were talking about." They hadn't ever talked about IKEA, but Burgess cared just as much about Adam's feelings as she did and didn't want him to suffer. Her lie was more for his benefit than Hailey's. Unsurprisingly it worked, her words had sold him.

"Now that Mr. Fix-it is gonna put it together for me, I'm going to go buy it."

This seemed to excite Kim, at least it seemed to. "Now THAT'S a girls night."

Ruzek made a sound of disgust. "IKEA shopping is NOT fun Kim. You're the only one who thinks that it is."

"You had fun. Don't let him fool you guys, he had fun at IKEA," Kim said. Hailey smiled as she focused her attention back on her keyboard. Not a bad day at all.

Hailey laughed, dinner, a real dinner, a date. Finally. And without Erin Lindsay hanging over their heads. This is exactly what she wanted but she wanted to make sure it would stick. She wouldn't make the same mistake Erin had made. Never.

"Yeah, Saturday. I'm all ready partner. Just make sure YOU are." From her desk she saw Jay smile a bit and briefly let herself stop thinking like a cop and start thinking like a girl. She needed a new dress. Something sexy.


	2. Chapter 2

Erin spotted a familiar face in the crowd of stuffy doctors and her mouth curled into a crooked smile. Halfway around the country and she gets called in to consult on a drug death that just happened to put her ten feet away from someone she knew.

It had been years since she'd seen a familiar face. Being in New York had ripped her away from everyone she knew. The city was nothing but painful for her. New York was far away, foreign, and painful. Nadia had died here, her life ended here, scared and alone, and probably wishing Erin would show up and save her life. She hated New York but hadn't quite realized how much until she got here.

Chicago was big, but it was home. New York was annoyingly big. And busy. And incredibly expensive. In Chicago she and Jay had been talking about buying a home, something large and spacious and theirs. Before she blew her life up and ran off, they already had a place picked out. A loft in a beautiful building with a doorman and concierge, indoor heated parking spaces, and an in-building gym. It was perfect. The moment she saw it she felt home. She'd been amazed at how affordable it was. The building was brand new and their real estate agent informed them they had time to think about it. In New York that place would cost millions of dollars, and a hundred other couples would be trying to buy it. It would have sold in days, probably hours, and they could have never afforded it.

Not that she was a 'they' anymore. She had left 'they' in Chicago, along with the perfect job, and the perfect home. She hadn't met anyone worthwhile in New York. Sure, she dated, but she hadn't really cared about anyone since Jay. Her love for him was consuming, it eclipsed everything and everyone else. She even still dreamed about Jay. Dreamed about what their life would be like, their kids, their marriage. In her dream she was Mrs. Erin Halstead. She'd never thought herself traditional but if she had married him, she'd have taken his name. The name Lindsay was just a weight around her neck, and given half a chance she would have abandoned it.

Seeing Will Halstead was a breath of fresh air. Will was handsome enough, but he didn't look much like his younger brother Jay. He was nice and clean cut, unlike Jay who often forgot to shave and typically wouldn't be caught dead in anything but jeans. Will was thin but not muscular, and always well presented. Even now in what was surely a casual situation he was dressed in nice slacks, a dress shirt, and respectable tie. Erin hadn't seen Will in years. Last she saw him she and Jay had gone to dinner with him and a woman he was seeing whose name escaped her at the moment. That was nearly two years ago now. Probably longer she realized, it had snowed that day and she'd had two New York winters under her belt already.

"I see someone I know," Erin said to Special agent Henry Vause. Vause was a stiff FBI lifer who had been serving as her partner since she'd taken the job with the FBI. As her designated trainer he watched her like a hawk and was a stickler for rules, procedures, and guidelines. Riding with Vause was as far from her life in Chicago as a person could be. He was the complete opposite of Jay Halstead. Old and grey, flabby in the waist, and never smiled. Erin couldn't ever remember seeing him smile.

"Let's go," Vause said coldly. Erin had hoped she'd get a chance to speak to Will alone, but Vause never let her do anything alone. He watched her like a momma duckling expecting her to veer off the path if he turned his head. The only thing she ever did alone at the office was go to the bathroom.

"Will," Erin called out almost eagerly. She smiled at him, but his face twisted in suspicion before finally settling on a polite smile of his own. For a second she thought he didn't recognize her, but quickly decided that wasn't it. She pushed through the full lobby of doctors, all of whom were in town for a convention until a massive drug deal in the hotel put a crimp in their plans. She made her way over to him expecting excitement, or a grin. She didn't get either, instead he looked uneasy.

"Erin, hey," Will finally said extending a hand for a professional shake. She looked down at his hand with confusion. She had expected a hug. She and Will had always been friendly. In the years they'd known one another she'd never once shook his hand.

"Will," she said ignoring the hand and wrapping him in a hug. "What's up man. You're the last person I expected to see here."

Will looked around uncomfortably. "ER medicine convention."

"Will this is my partner Special Agent Henry Vause. Vause, this is Doctor Will Halstead."

"Halstead," Vause asked with curiosity. "According to your file, you had a partner named Halstead in Chicago right?" Vause always quoted her file like the bible. Erin suspected all the questionable situations she found herself in over the years had made him feel it was necessary to watch her carefully to avoid her getting him in trouble.

Erin nodded. "Yeah, Jay. Will's his older brother." Erin bit her bottom lip. "How is Jay?"

Will shook his head. "He wouldn't be happy with me being chummy with the woman who rejected his proposal." There was something in his eyes, anger? He was angry at her. Not just angry. Furious. Like Jay, Will couldn't hide the truth of his eyes. They always betrayed his feelings.

"Proposal? What proposal? He never asked me to marry him."

Will shrugged. "I know he had the ring. And he fell apart when you left. Without so much as a kiss goodbye by the way."

Erin opened her mouth to refute it, but she remembered Jay sneaking around and making hushed phone calls during that horrible week. That had been an absolutely terrible week, so she hadn't bothered spending too much time worrying about Jay being sneaky. But propose, he wasn't going to propose, was he?

"No," Erin said shaking her head quickly. "He wasn't going to propose to me. I would have known."

Will stared at her coldly. "I know for a fact he was going to do it. I snuck around for a week with the ring. If he didn't end up asking, I don't know what to tell you. But he was going to. Then you were gone. I asked him about it after and he said he didn't want to talk about it. Not ever. So I respected that and never brought it up again. I just assumed you said no."

The wall she'd built around her heart broke and a wave of emotion overcame her. Instead of asking questions she did the thing she always did when things got tough. She turned on her heels and walked away.

"Vause give me a second, I need to make a call."

Vause was usually all questions, but not today, today he let her walk away.

Erin found a quiet corner, dug her phone out of her pocket, and flipped through her contacts. Even after two years Jay was still there. She hadn't called him once since she'd been gone but she didn't have the heart to delete his info. She looked at it occasionally and imagined how the conversation would go, but she never called. Talking to him would have made being away from him unbearable.

Erin had debated leaving and at the time Jay was the only reason she had to stay. She'd thrown her job away. Burned bridges. And she was on the outs with her mother and brother. He was the only thing in her life worth keeping, but she knew herself, she'd have ruined that too if she hadn't left. She broke things. That was what her mother had taught her, to take beautiful things and break them.

Erin almost hadn't left. It had been a split-second decision. Once she decided, she sent her friends text messages to say goodbye. No need in messy goodbyes she figured. She called Voight and told him she was going, then went home and grabbed some essentials. She paid a company double to clear out her place ASAP, and once she heard that was done, she called Jay. He hadn't answered so she left a voicemail and hit the road.

Erin thought about that voicemail all the time. It was a shitty thing to do but if she had spoken to him, he might have convinced her to stay. Or worse, quit his job and gone with her to New York. She couldn't do that to him. Uproot his life. Best to make a clean break.

That's what she told herself back then at least. Now dialing his number, she knew it had been a mistake. She had been scared. And foolish. He loved her, was going to propose to her. He even had a ring. And she threw it all away for a city she hated.

"Shit Erin, what the fuck," she said loud enough to cause a couple of stuffy female doctors to look in her direction with suspicion. She flashed the badge around her neck and shifted her body so they could see the FBI windbreaker jacket she was wearing, and they quickly looked away, not wanting trouble.

Her call went to voicemail and she forced herself to speak.

"Jay, it's me. Look I just ran into your brother here in New York. I need to speak with you. Please call me back. I know I don't deserve it, but please call me. Anytime, night or day. Alright, bye."

She shook her head her mind was suddenly going a thousand miles an hour. Deep down she knew he wouldn't call. He called for days when she left, practically begging to talk things through. She listened to his messages but hadn't called HIM back. Why would he call her now, two years later?

She dialed the only other person she knew to call, Voight. Hank Voight was for all intents and purposes her father, and he hadn't tried to talk her out of leaving once. He told her he loved her, something he rarely said, and simply let her go. He called often but it wasn't the same as working with her everyday. He, like Jay, and her friends, and Chicago, were far away.

Voight answered right away. His tone was even, it always was, but Erin knew him well, he was happy she called. "Hey, what's up Erin?"

"Hey Hank. I got a question for you and I need you to be honest with me. Even if you think it'll hurt my feelings."

Hank didn't hesitate. "Shoot."

"Jay's brother Will told me Jay was planning on asking me to marry him before I left. Does that make sense to you?"

Hank seemed to think about it for a second then answered gently, so gently she realized she didn't know something important.

"Yeah, that's very possible. In hindsight it makes sense."

Erin couldn't take the cloak and dagger, not today. "What don't I know?"

"Honestly, the guy completely fell apart after you left. I mean completely. I partnered him with Hailey Upton because she's a bit cold, wouldn't take his behavior too personally. Turns out she got him squared away. But now that you mention it, him thinking you were the right woman to marry, only to have you leave town, probably messed with his head. It would drive most guys a bit screwy. Thing is, I'm surprised he didn't propose on the spot when you told him you were leaving. I mean I would have thrown everything at you to get you to stay. I'm kind of shocked he didn't."

Erin felt her stomach roll. "I didn't give him a chance. I didn't talk to him before I left. I called, he didn't answer, so I left a message and hit the road. When he called me back, I didn't take his call."

Voight sat silent on the phone, but Erin knew what that meant. He was disappointed in her.

"Say something Hank."

He waited about ten seconds then broke her heart. "Erin you should let this go. Leave him alone. You ghosted this guy, a guy who thought he wanted to marry you. You have no idea what this did to him. I didn't know this, that you did it that way, just left without so much as a kiss goodbye. He was questioning himself after that. His judgment. Can you imagine just for a second how it would feel to think something is right, and real, and going good, only to have it snatched away like that. He had to think he was crazy. He had to be questioning if it was ever real in the first place, wondering if he built it all up in his head."

Erin hadn't thought about that at all. It never even occurred to her that Jay would question whether she really loved him. Of course she did.

"Of course it was real Hank. How can you even say that? You know how I feel about Jay."

Voight didn't let up. "I thought I did before I found out you left the guy high and dry. It took some serious work on Upton's part to get him squared away and it's not a good idea for you to call him and throw a wrench into things."

Erin wanted to defend herself but bit her tongue. "Was it bad?"

"Yeah he was bad for a while. Hailey eventually stepped in, but he needed serious help. With all the crap he carries around already, with the war, the job, his dad dying."

Erin's heart dropped. "His dad died? I didn't know that. Why didn't he call?"

"Why would he Erin? He didn't think you gave a damn. And you just said you weren't returning his calls. Besides, Hailey took care of him. She always does. She managed to talk him into going to therapy. He's in a good place now, back to his old self. Better even."

Erin's head was spinning. Therapy? Jay Halstead, Mr. Strong and stoic. How did Upton manage that?

"That's not fair Hank. I love Jay. Had he proposed I would have said yes."

"Okay," Hank said. "What does it matter now? You're in New York, he's in Chicago."

All the way in New York. Far away.

"Besides, if you showed up and stirred things up, Upton would go crazy. She's not a fan of people meddling."

Hailey again. She sure has a lot of say in Jay's life.

"Hailey and Jay, are they?" she asked. She couldn't help but feel a little jealous. In all her fantasies about their life together, Hailey Upton hadn't been a factor. Erin hadn't even thought about her once since she'd come to New York.

"No, its strictly platonic. Last I heard Hailey was dating Ruzek. But between you and me, if they WERE together, I'd turn a blind eye. He's better than I've ever seen him. She's good for him. When things get too stressful, he seeks her out, and vice versa. I know for a fact they crash on each other's sofa."

Erin was taken aback by that. Jay didn't like sleeping in unfamiliar places. The war had made him weary of letting his guard down around people he didn't know. And he definitely didn't get comfortable in places he wasn't absolutely sure was safe. His first night staying at her place he didn't sleep at all. It had taken him months to sleep through the night. If he was sleeping at Hailey's it definitely wasn't platonic. At least not to him.

"Well I'm sorry I didn't get to know her better. She sounds okay."

Hank chuckled. "She's okay. Not exactly friendly. In fact, he's the only one she's actually close to."

That didn't make sense. "I thought she was dating Ruzek."

"That doesn't mean they're close. I don't see the Ruzek thing lasting. Jay will eventually get in the way. She puts him before almost everything, and definitely everyone, including Ruzek."

Damn. From what Erin remembered of Upton she was an ice queen. Professional but distant. Quiet and not keen on sharing details and making friends. Her dating Ruzek but sharing her emotions with Jay meant something. Jay probably just wasn't ready for her yet, and she was biding her time. Doing that with Ruzek didn't make sense, but Erin didn't have the details. Something was surely up.

"Do me a favor Hank, tell him to call me. I'll leave him another message but I'm not sure he'll call me back."

Hank didn't spare her feelings. "I'll ask him to call. But I wouldn't if I was him. If he never spoke to you again, he'd be justified. You're the villain on this one Erin. Don't kid yourself."

* * *

The office was usually quiet on Saturday, but the arrest last night brought everyone in to work. The place was bustling. Vause, an agent who never worked weekends due to his office seniority, was even at his desk typing up last night's report on his computer. It was a full house. A madhouse as Kim Burgess would say.

Vause's work wife, Special Agent in Charge Mindy Mahoney, a fiftyish brunette who Vause had personally trained as a rookie agent, had just recently returned to the office as his boss. Mahoney had spent the better part of an hour with him behind closed doors, she was only person in the office who seemed to rate worthy of friend status to Vause, but again, they went back twenty years. Despite both being happily married to other people, the office liked to gossip that the two were soul mates. They ate lunch together, laughed together, and from what Erin heard, often had drinks together after work, something neither did with anyone else in the office.

Today it seemed to be all business between them though. Vause had been in her office for a while, and Erin got the distinct impression they were talking about her. Once or twice Mahoney even looked in Erin's direction, tipping her off that she was absolutely the topic of conversation.

After talking with Voight last night, Erin went back to work, all business, just like Vause liked. She hadn't mentioned Will, or Jay, or the proposal again, but she knew Vause was curious about it, although their professional distance kept him from prying. Already weary of his watchful eyes and distrust, she kept herself busy, dotting every I and crossing every T, hoping to avoid any unnecessary conversation. Vause was happy to oblige.

Mahoney wasn't friendly, but she was a good boss. She had your back when you needed it. Gave advice when you asked for it. And did her best to keep things running smooth. She was a stickler for rules and regulations like Vause but given that he had trained her, Erin wasn't surprised. Erin had gotten the distinct impression the woman didn't like her so she always tread carefully around her. They only ever talked about work, cases, files, arrests, and informants, but never anything personal. So when her boss called her into her office Erin had to hide her frustration, the last thing she needed today was office politics.

She stepped into her boss's office, pushing the door shut behind her and taking a seat. She waited for the onslaught but was pleasantly surprised instead.

"Special Agent Lindsay," she began. Mahoney never called anyone by their first name, only the last, and always accompanied by Special Agent. "Special Agent Vause tells me you've been doing excellent work. He thinks you're ready to be assigned an official partner."

Erin nodded, as far as she knew Vause WAS her official partner. Instead of showing her ignorance she nodded.

"Thank you."

Mahoney forced a polite smile. "We kept your training wheels on a bit long to make sure we cleaned up all the Chicago in you. I've read your file, back in Chicago you were quite prone to go off book. We can't have that here. Now that I've been assured you are in fact capable of following procedure to the letter, I'm comfortable letting you loose. But you're on notice, any deviation from that procedure will result in reprimand up to and including termination and prosecution."

Erin simply nodded, staring at the woman blankly. Best not to engage the boss Trudy Platt always said. Let them say their peace and get out of their way. Erin had always thought that great advice.

"If you don't have any questions," she said expectantly.

"No. That's fair. My file and all." Making excuses for her past behavior was pointless.

"Okay then, good." Mahoney leaned back in her chair, her eyes narrowing then softening. "I heard about last night. Special Agent Vause was worried about you. That's big news to get. Some women might even call it painful news."

Great, Erin thought, she was being gossiped about.

"Its my fault. When I left I set the house on fire. I can't complain about the stuff I lost afterwards right?"

Mahoney shrugged. "I've been married 26 years since December. When my husband and I were dating, I had an affair. Burned it all down over a guy whose name I don't even remember anymore. When he found out I begged him to forgive me. He didn't. I didn't deserve his forgiveness. So what I did was be there, in the background. He dated other women, and it hurt, but again I had it coming. Eventually when I saw my chance I tried again. He gave me another chance to be in his life and I've never taken him for granted again." Mahoney arched an eyebrow. "My point is, never say never. Maybe you can turn it around. Go apologize. Honestly. If you see an opening try, if not don't push it. But leave the door open. If he loved you enough to marry you, he'll eventually forgive you as long as he understands why you did what you did."

Erin laughed. "I ran. That's what I did. I'm a runner. That's what my mother taught me."

"Even better. Go fix things."

"Fly all the way to Chicago to have a single conversation?" Erin wanted to laugh. It wasn't practical, no matter how badly she wanted to do it.

Mahoney shrugged. "Do you want to be alone, or do you want to get the guy? In fact, give me a couple days. I'll get you there."

Erin perked up at that bit of news. "Really boss. That would be great. Any trivial thing you need done that buys me some time to see him, I'll do it. Anything at all."

Mahoney nodded. "That won't be a problem. Just make sure you take your shot. Every woman in the office is rooting for you."

Erin nodded diplomatically, ignoring the fact that suddenly the entire office knew about her heartbreak. "I'll try, but I'm pretty sure that there's another woman in the picture."

Mahoney chuckled. "There's always another woman Special Agent Lindsay. What do you care about her? If you can get him, go get him."

Erin gave her a fake frown. "Boss I'm shocked. What about the rules?"

Mahoney smiled. "If you break these rules you won't get arrested. You're from Chicago, you know how to play dirty. You don't need to be a saint right now. If you see some wiggle room. Wiggle on in."

* * *

Erin made it back to her desk and focused her attention back on her arrest report. It was a big case, so she spent as much time on it as necessary, being obnoxiously thorough. When she was finished, she handed it off to Vause for inspection. He read it over twice, nodded his approval, and agreed to pass it off. Afterwards he looked at his watch, looked around the office, sighed with frustration, and told her to look busy for a few more hours.

Intent to follow instructions and merely look busy, Erin grabbed a few files off another agent's desk, earning a playful scowl, and went back to her desk.

She spent twenty minutes actually reading one of the files and taking notes on angles to pursue in the case, in a legal note pad. While she was working, Mahoney stopped off at her desk to commend her on her work last night and peeked at the notepad.

"We tried this already once, case got tossed over some arcane law or another," Mahoney said with a shake of the head. Erin crossed it off the list and refocused her attention on the page.

After about an hour of actual work Erin picked up her phone and dialed Voight in Chicago. It would be good to head home for a while and she was excited to see him, but Hank being Hank, he'd complain about not being given a heads up if she didn't call. The phone rang twice before the other line picked up, and she was immediately thrown.

"Erin, its Jay." Her breath caught in her chest and she practically jumped from her seat, knocking over a cup of pens as she did.

"Jay, hey. Is that you?" she said awkwardly. He was the last person she expected to be talking to.

"Yeah, its me," he said sounding a bit distracted.

The entire office was suddenly staring at her and she realized they all understood who she was speaking with. The news had seemingly spread through the entire office like a wildfire. If she were worried about her privacy, she supposed she should have waited until she was home before rushing off to call an ex-boyfriend, rather than doing it from the corner of an arrest scene. Now the entire office knew she blew up her life and threw away an engagement.

"I was expecting Voight," she admitted.

"He's right here, I can get him," he said a bit coldly. Cold enough to break her heart.

"No, it's fine let me find some privacy. I want to talk to you."

Across the office Vause smirked knowingly, the first time she'd ever seen him smile, then pointed at the empty conference room. She nodded and head off in that direction, bumping into the edge of a desk and making a minor commotion on her way. As she walked, Sanderson, a twentysomething blonde agent who had taken the place of Kim Burgess in Erin's social life, gave her a thumbs up and mouthed the words 'Good Luck'. Erin couldn't help but feel like a loser.

She slipped into the conference room in utter silence. Jay hadn't said a word to her unsolicited and she briefly thought she'd lose her nerve. Instead she gathered her courage and pushed the door closed. Every eye in the office seemed to be watching her but she pushed it aside.

"Hey, how you been?" It was the sort of question a friend would ask, harmless and open ended. Jay was having none of it though.

"Fine, what's up Erin?"

He was pissed. Still, even after all this time. Whoever said time heals all wounds didn't know Jay Halstead.

"I know you're mad at me. You have every right to be. But can we talk for a minute without our baggage getting in the way?" What she really wanted to ask was if he could hear her out without yelling, but that wouldn't have worked, he had every right to yell.

Jay breathed heavy and said, "Use your words Jay. Express your feelings verbally," seemingly to himself. Erin remembered what Voight told her about Hailey talking Jay into therapy and forced herself not to ask him what he meant.

"Yeah, we can talk," he said with stifled anger. "Mind if I go first?"

Erin would have liked to go first, to not give him a chance to build on his feelings, but she decided he had earned those feelings so she let him have his way.

"Sure. Go ahead."

He didn't hesitate. "I was pissed off for a long time Erin. You leaving the way you did, without giving me a chance, that really hurt. I mean it hurt a lot. People who love each other don't do that sort of stuff. I never would have done that to you. Not ever."

"I know. It was wrong. I was wrong. You didn't deserve to be hurt that way. I'm sorry."

He was silent, almost as if he expected her to defend herself. When she failed to do so. It seemed to throw him off.

"So why did you," he finally asked?

She thought about what Voight said, about how what she did forced Jay to question himself, question their relationship, whether it was ever real. That was painful to hear, but it made sense.

"Jay, my biggest regret in life is leaving without talking to you first. I had to leave and I'm not sorry for doing that. But not seeing you before I left, not telling you how much I love you before I left. I have no excuse for it. I was afraid. Afraid that if you asked me to stay, I would have. The way I loved you. Still love you, even now after not seeing you for years, is like magic. If you had looked me in the eyes and asked me to stay, I would have, but we both know I needed to go."

"I get that, but a phone message. I didn't earn more than that?"

"Of course, you did. But I was afraid, and confused, and hurting. I felt like I needed to get away from everyone and everything, even you. I was wrong, but it's how I felt. But despite that, I need you to know that what we had was real. And special. It was fucking beautiful and I know in my heart it'll never be that beautiful with anyone else. I threw it away, but it wasn't about you. It was never ever about you. You were good to me. Great to me. But someplace deep down I didn't think I deserved it, so I left so I wouldn't drag you down too."

Jay made a sound with his mouth. "I said the same thing to Hailey once. You know what she told me?"

Hailey? Why would he bring her up when she was pouring her heart out? "What?"

"Deserve doesn't factor into it. I don't get to decide how she feels about me. She said if she wants to look out for me, I need to let her. She gets to decide for herself if her feelings for me are worthwhile, nobody else has that right. The bricks I'm carrying are her bricks too."

Erin wanted to groan. If he had said that to her, she would have melted. She couldn't imagine what it did to him. It was no wonder he was quoting her like Master Yoda, apparently, she was a freaking wordsmith.

"Hailey said that?"

"Yeah, and I realized she was right. I don't get to decide for her how she feels about me. If she wants to have my back, I'm gonna let her have my back. If she wants to help me carry my baggage around that's her choice. So, I let her, and I carry her baggage too. Whatever the baggage, no questions asked, we've got each other covered. And me and you were in a relationship Erin. So, it wasn't your decision to do me a favor and leave. That was MY call. Or at least OUR call. If you wanted to leave, really wanted to leave. I would have come with you. Without question."

"I know that. And you're right. It was selfish not to give you a chance. I don't have a good excuse. It was wrong."

"Damn right it was."

Erin realized the conversation was getting away from her and decided to switch tactics.

"So, you're doing okay? I heard you hit a rough patch," it wasn't exactly a subtle change of topic, but it worked.

"Yeah, I had a bad run. Accidentally killed a kid and the entire city turned on me. Called me a racist and tried to get me fired. Had a bunch of vets get killed on a case. My dad died."

Erin felt like she was going to be sick. She hadn't heard any of that. Well, she had heard a cop killed a kid in Chicago, but she hadn't looked into the story. She wanted to leave Chicago behind and that included everything, even the news. Had she known that cop was Jay, she'd have come home to stand by his side. Killing a kid had to be terrible for him, but for everyone to think he was some racist monster, that had to be unbearable.

"I'm so sorry Jay. I didn't know. Had I known I'd have been there for you. Stood by you."

"Its fine. That's not your job anymore. Hailey had my back. She told me I needed to talk to someone besides her. So I see somebody occasionally. She didn't let me sink too far."

"Talk to someone, like a therapist?" Things sounded tough, but a shrink? "Jay if the department finds out about that, it could come back to bite you."

"Its fine. Hailey knew someone. It's off book. No record of it. She made sure."

Hailey again. She sure has her hooks in.

"So, you guys are close? You and Hailey?"

"Yeah. She's a good cop. A great partner."

"Not like me I bet," Erin teased.

"Yeah not like you."

"Hey, next time I'm in town would it be weird if I asked to see you? I ran into Will last night and there's something I want to know. Something I want to ask when I'm looking into your eyes."

Jay hesitated.

"This conversation isn't finished Jay. We need to talk about that other thing. Face to face. It'll be soon too, I gotta come to Chicago for business anyway."

"Yeah, I'll see you," he said nervously.

"Great, I'll stop by your place."

"No," he said quickly. "Not my place, that's not a good idea."

Erin wanted to groan. If she got him alone, he'd crack. Absolutely positively. If she got into his apartment, alone, just the two of them, no way they don't end up in bed. Jay knew that and seemingly wasn't interested in it. Seemingly. She WAS interested however, she could make this happen, she could definitely make it happen. She spent a few more minutes making small talk then ended the conversation on a positive note.

* * *

Everyone was staring when she came out of the conference room, but it was Sanderson who came up to her and asked flat out what happened.

"So, how'd it go? Was he gonna propose?"

Erin shook her head. "God you guys are nosy."

"Come on," someone shouted from across the room. "What did he say?"

"He was angry. Deservedly so. But he agreed to let me see him next time I'm in town."

Sanderson pumped her fist. "Yeah," she said enthusiastically. She wasn't alone in her happiness, half the room cheered.

"Relax. I'm pretty sure he's got a girlfriend. Well she sounds like a girlfriend due to how much say she gets in his life." Girlfriend or not, Upton's a problem. "My goal isn't to go steal him back. Just un-break his heart. So one day, maybe, I can get him back. Like I said he was pretty pissed."

Sanderson didn't seem to care. "You going to his place," she asked with a wicked smile?

Erin laughed. "No. I tried but he says it's not a good idea."

Sanderson just laughed. From his desk Vause finally spoke up.

"He still cares. If he didn't, he wouldn't care where you met. But he's worried meeting at his apartment might lead to something, so he doesn't want to go there. You're still in the ballgame. Maybe down a few runs, but you're still in the game."

Erin agreed that was probably true. "This chick, she's no fool. She's like Yoda man, she's gonna see me coming a mile away."

"How close ARE they?" Sanderson asked. "Some women like to play it slow. If she's one of them?" She shrugged. "Let the chips fall."

"What about the other thing? Did he admit he bought a ring?" Vause was suddenly a teenage girl.

"I didn't ask. That's how I got him to agree to meet. I said it's something we need to do face to face."

Sanderson laughed. "Yeah it is."

"Stop it," Erin said with a laugh. "Even if it doesn't work, he'll know how I feel."

"How DO you feel? Would you have said yes?" Erin wasn't sure who asked the question, but it was fair.

"I absolutely would have said yes. Without hesitation. Without question," Erin admitted.

"Make sure you tell him that," Vause instructed. "That'll be important to him. You may be spinning your wheels here, but make sure he knows you would have said yes had he asked. If you're serious about playing the long game, that's the right move. Letting him know automatically puts you back in the batting order. You're not on deck or anything but if things go right, you can get a shot at the plate."

Erin almost laughed at the analogy, but she nodded instead. It made a weird amount of sense. Especially when talking about Jay, he would appreciate it, he loved sports.

* * *

Burgess nearly knocked her down with her hug and Atwater jumped to his feet. Erin wasn't sure what sort of reception to expect. She'd left Chicago without much fanfare. She packed her bags, loaded her trunk, and hit the road. Everyone important in her life had gotten a call or a text. When they'd tried to call, she'd ignored them all. She wasn't much of a friend someone said once. She was hardly in the position to argue. So when Burgess and Atwater both wrapped her in hugs she accepted it sheepishly, and with the complete knowledge that she didn't exactly deserve their forgiveness.

Despite her poor behavior, Burgess had still been a great friend to her. When Erin called, Kim had gracefully accepted her friendship again. They quickly fell back into gossip and old habits and suddenly it was like no time had passed. When Erin asked a thousand questions about Jay and Hailey, Burgess had even agreed to do some snooping. Jay and Hailey weren't a couple. Hailey and Ruzek were over. And Jay and Hailey spent at least three nights a week together. Kim had really come through. Erin was encouraged.

Erin had tried to replace Kim Burgess with Mandy Sanderson in New York, but Kim couldn't be replaced. Kim was the perfect mix of tough and gentle, fun and strong. Mandy was fun, but she wasn't Kim. Mandy wouldn't have lasted a week in CPD. Kim had been shot, ambushed, dumped, and every other thing a cop and woman dreaded enduring, but she kept on ticking. And as far as good girlfriends went, Kim rarely asked questions, Mandy had a million.

"Erin Lindsay in the house. Come here girl, give me a hug." Atwater wrapped her up as soon as Kim let her go. Kevin didn't hold grudges, she would always have a friend in him, always, no matter how badly she screwed up Kevin Atwater would consider it water under the bridge.

She said hello to them both and spent a few minutes catching up. All the while she could feel Jay's eyes on her and couldn't deny the nervousness in her stomach. Jay had been sitting at his desk when she came in the squad, but he hadn't rushed to greet her with the others. She would have to earn that.

He eventually walked over to her and gave her a hug, but it was quick and cold. Not the tight and intimate hug she'd dreamed about for two years.

"Jay," she said, doing her best to play it cool. She looked around for more familiar faces. "Where's everyone else?"

"Voight and Adam are on the street. Antonio popped in earlier, but he took off just as fast. I'll give him a call," Burgess said.

"Upton," she asked more out of curiosity than anything? If Upton was away on assignment she wouldn't have minded much. Not having her hanging around would make seeing Jay much easier.

"Getting lunch," Atwater said casually. He was the only one who hadn't tensed up at the question and therefore didn't seem to notice Erin sigh with relief.

Sensing a perfect opportunity, Erin looked at Jay. "You got a minute?"

He nodded at her and his eyes poured over her like honey. There was judgment in them, and she could see he was nervous, but there was something else there too. Fear. Was he scared?

"Yeah, let's talk." He looked like he was being brave. So she mustered up her courage too and head off towards the coffee room.

Jay stepped in behind her, pulling the door closed as he came inside. He was tense, his left hand was balled up in a fist, but his right hand was in his pocket. False casual the FBI would call it. The look of someone wanting to appear at ease but who was actually very uncomfortable and nervous. She decided to address it right away.

"Weird huh? Being face to face after all this time. I couldn't sleep last night knowing I was going to get to see you again."

His hand clenched from the fist and he ran it through his hair.

"Yeah, it's really weird." He stared at her and nodded. "So, let's hear it."

She had debated how she would ask this question the entire ride over. She had a dozen scenarios in her mind with two dozen outcomes. In the end she decided to just spit it out. No need in dragging things out.

"I saw Will. He was mad at me. Really mad. He told me that I turned down your proposal. Which is weird because you never proposed to me."

He shook his head. "No, I didn't."

"Were you gonna propose? Will said you had a ring and everything."

Jay shifted nervously. "What does it matter Erin? Its history."

"It matters to me Jay. It matters a lot."

He accepted the defeat quickly and gracefully. "Fine. Yeah, I was gonna propose. I missed your call because I was making plans on how to actually do it."

"Motherfucker," she said loudly. The reaction shocked her. She knew it was true, she even had days to process it, but hearing it from him made it real. Something about hearing him say the words himself made it hurt that much more. He wanted to marry her, buy that beautiful loft and maybe start a family.

"What the fuck man. What the fuck did I do," she said to herself? She looked at him with damp eyes. She was suddenly fighting off tears. She'd blown up her entire life with that stupid stunt. If she had an ounce of common sense, she'd have said goodbye face to face, and he'd have proposed on the spot like Voight said, and she'd still be with him. Married to him. Happy with him. "Yes," she blurted out.

"What," he asked, clearly confused.

"Your answer, had you asked me. Its yes. My answer is yes. No question. Of course I would. Any day of the week and twice on Sunday. Then, now, a year from now. Yes, I would. Will. Whenever. Wherever."

Jay opened his mouth to say something but whatever it was died in his throat. He looked stuck, confused, but he gathered his wits.

"That's good to know," he finally said.

She disagreed. Knowing hurt. She almost wished she didn't know. If she didn't know she wouldn't feel the way she did. Like shit. Like she'd lost something she'd never get back. She loved this man. More than she ever loved anyone else. He had accepted her like nobody else had, he knew her history and hadn't blinked once. He'd taken her as is, without judgment. That was rare, most men ran when they met her demons. The ones who stayed usually only stayed for sex, or to kill time until someone better and more stable and normal came along.

"Are you seeing anyone?"

The question made him nervous. She looked at him, stared in his eyes, knowing they wouldn't lie to her. His eyes didn't lie. Every time he said I love you she could see the truth in his eyes.

"No, but," he said hesitantly.

She cut him off before he could blurt out the inevitable comment about Hailey Upton. "But what? If you're not seeing anyone let me spend some time with you before I go back. Let me give you a proper goodbye this time. We can have dinner, catch up and talk. Its not like I'm a stranger. I should actually be your wife." She smiled. "I still will be if you ask."

He stared at her and she finally saw it in his beautiful eyes. He wasn't angry at her anymore. He was afraid of her. She finally realized how badly she had hurt him. He was scared of her, of letting her back in. It was catastrophic news.

She closed the distance between them and reached out and grabbed his hand. She pulled his body close to hers and stared into those fearful eyes. There was no way to undo what she'd done, but she was going to try. She had to try.

"Jay I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm so sorry I ran away. But if you give me a chance we can work on things. Fix things. We can take as much time as you want. I promise you I'll never run again. I'll never hurt you again. Not like this. Never. Please forgive me."

He looked at her, really looked, then snatched his hand away and bolted from the room like a rocket. The fear had won.

Erin followed him from the room intent to call him back, but he was down the stairs faster than she realized was possible. And Upton was back, Erin could see genuine concern on her face. They may not be a couple, but she loved him, she clearly loved him. It was written all over her face.

Hailey took a step to follow him, but Erin called her name. "Upton, give him a minute." If she went to him now, she'd pull her Jedi mind trick on him. If he had time to think, who knew?

Hailey's head whipped around to face her. She had murder in her eyes. Erin knew that if there weren't other people around, she would have probably started throwing punches. She could see that Hailey had it bad for him. She wasn't going down without a fight.

Hailey's anger at Erin was suddenly on full display and when she opened her mouth to speak, Erin braced herself for the onslaught.

From her desk, Kim, not seeing the fury in Hailey's eyes, intervened on her behalf. Erin almost winched. Kim was a good friend but her getting involved was a mistake.

"Hailey, give him a few minutes."

Upton's eyes darkened and she glared at Kim coldly, so coldly it gave Erin a chill. She pointed at Kim, ready to unleash Hell. Erin knew she had to do something. Save her friend.

"Upton you got a minute," she said quickly, hoping to defuse the situation? The last thing she wanted to do was talk to Hailey. She had absolutely nothing for her. They weren't friends, they had barely been colleagues. And Erin made no bones about wanting to get Jay away from her. She had no intention of pretending to be besties with her.

Yet Erin's snap decision didn't spare Kim. Hailey stared at Burgess still steaming. "Don't interfere. Do us both a favor and mind your own business."

What a fucking bitch. Erin said to herself. That was completely uncalled for.

Hailey looked at her, suddenly ice cold. She extended an open palm towards the coffee room like the Queen of freaking England. Right this way lowly peasant. Erin decided in that moment that not only did she not like Hailey, but also, she didn't deserve Jay.

Hailey took a few steps, stopped in her tracks and turned back to Burgess. Burgess looked terrified, and humiliated, and Erin felt horrible for being the cause of it.

"Kim, I'm sorry. I just don't like people getting between Jay and me. I've been here, I know what he needs. If he needed a minute, I'd be the one who decided that. That being said, I shouldn't have snapped at you. It won't happen again."

The words were right, but her tone was off. She clearly didn't mean it, at least Erin didn't think she meant it. She was only apologizing because NOT doing so made her look bad. Who the hell did she think she was, yelling at Kim? Everyone loved Kim, she was a sweetheart. She didn't deserve to be humiliated in the middle of the squad room.

She followed Upton into the coffee room. She closed the door and watched Hailey cross her arms on her chest and lean smugly against the counter.

"That wasn't cool Hailey, Kim was just trying to help."

Hailey brushed the words aside like an annoying fly. "And you heard me apologize, so what's up? What can I do for you?"

Oh, FUCK YOU, you snotty bitch, Erin thought. Kiss my fucking ass from here to New York City.

* * *

Ruzek was all smiles when he stepped into the squad, oblivious to the tension in the air. His eyes lit up when he saw Erin and Atwater watched them embrace like old family members who hadn't seen each other in ages but hadn't missed a beat.

"Still with the damn sunglasses," Erin teased. She'd teased him about his Joe Cool look for years and seeing him with those damn sunglasses on made her feel at home.

Atwater watched them catch up and spied Kim looking sheepish at her desk. He felt bad for her, Hailey had put her down hard, and even though she had quickly apologized, everyone had seen it. He couldn't imagine what she was feeling. Back in his younger days something like that would have started a fist fight.

Erin to her credit gave Kim a tight hug when she and Hailey came out of the coffee room. Hailey had her feathers ruffled but she didn't pay any attention to him or Kim. When he ran downstairs to grab Jay he expected her to give him attitude for butting in. Sensing the drama about to jump off, he ran downstairs full speed to grab Halstead, telling him, 'Jay, you better get up here bro these two are about to throw down'. Jay rushed back and had seeming arrived just in time to prevent that fist fight Kevin anticipated. Hailey didn't bother with more drama, she disappeared outside and hadn't returned.

Jay to his credit was sitting at his desk eating lunch as if nothing had happened. Kevin knew he had seen some things in his life, but the guy was as cool as a cucumber. Anyone would be a little amped up, but Jay Halstead was eating tacos. He hadn't said much of anything since the drama died down, but what could he say Kevin wondered.

Hailey had always been deep in Jay's corner, but he had never seen her that way before. She was a crazy person. Adam had tried to tell him once that when it came to Jay she was a bit off in the head, but he didn't believe it. Hailey didn't get emotional he explained, he had never seen her go off the reservation. Ruzek only laughed, 'Try getting between her and Jay and see what happens. She's a shark man.' he said. Apparently, he'd asked one too many questions about them once and Hailey had told him to back off and mind his own fucking business. According to Adam the change had been abrupt and surprisingly intimidating. He hadn't butt in again.

Erin chatted casually with the group then disappeared into Voight's office. Upton returned about five minutes later looking as if nothing at all had gone down. She was back to her old self, calm and cold.

Jay asked her if she were good, she said she was and that was the end of it. No drama. No harsh words or stares. Nothing. Kevin was in awe. Then things got even weirder when Hailey and Erin went to interview some low-level drug dealer together. It was like the entire world hadn't seen them about to throw hands a few minutes ago.

Kevin's head was spinning as he walked to the soda machine to grab a Coke. Ruzek came up behind him giving his shoulders two hard pats.

"What's up man, you look like you've seen a ghost?"

Kevin looked nervously over his shoulder for ears. Mostly Hailey's, he didn't need that craziness today.

"Man, it was about to jump off in here a minute ago. You were right about Hailey bro. She is vicious. She almost took Kim's head off."

Ruzek perked up. "Really? Did she ask questions about Jay?"

Kevin nodded. "All she said is, Hailey give him a minute, bro. That's it. Upton went off. Stay out of it. I'LL decide if he needs a minute. Mind your own business." He shook his head. "And her and Lindsay almost came to blows in the coffee room. Halstead had to break it up. I'm telling you man it was about to go down."

Ruzek looked shocked. "Really. Upton and Lindsay? They're in interview together like nothing happened."

Kevin shrugged. "Right? I don't know what's going on bro. But I'm not asking. No way man, no way. Seeing what she did to Kim. The look in her eyes. When she said mind your own business, she meant it."

Ruzek nodded uncomfortably. "Damn right she meant it. Told you man. A shark."

* * *

Erin hadn't expected to hear from Jay, especially after he bolted from the coffee room like Usain Bolt. She had done some major damage to him and that wasn't going to be erased with a nice dinner or dirty sex. While the idea of climbing back in bed with him was appealing, when she left Molly's after an evening with Kim, she realized Jay was in a good place with Hailey.

She disliked Upton, that much had been cemented in her mind. But she accepted the fact that the woman wasn't all bad. She was a good cop, Erin had saw that when they interviewed a lowly drug dealer together. Upton had flipped him in record time and cemented him as a CI. She also appreciated that after their dustup Hailey had immediately come to her and shown everyone that they were both professionals. Women didn't have to be girlfriends on the job, but the guys needed to know they could be professional, even when they disliked one another.

But strangely enough, most important to her was the fact that Hailey was good for Jay. Upton had his back, 100%. Her only aim seemed to be keeping Erin from hurting him. And as much as Erin knew it was none of her freaking business, she understood. Hailey had been the one who propped him up, cleaned him up, rebuilt him. She was invested, and she was in love with him. And she had his best interest at heart.

Erin had been surprised when Upton admitted that they weren't having sex. She had taken that as a given. But her heart had hurt when Upton said they were sharing a bed. She knew Jay, and to him that was much more intimate than sex. He could have sex with someone he didn't care about, turn down the lights and grab a little physical gratification. But he couldn't sleep with someone he didn't trust. Not sober at least, not when he had his wits about him. Jay only truly relaxed when he trusted you completely. And there were very few people he trusted completely.

Kim had told her she should tell Jay the truth, actually tell him what she assumed he already knew. He was the love of her life, the man of her dreams. If he asked for her to come, she'd come right away. If he needed her, she'd be there. If Hailey somehow left the picture, she would and could, be there for him if he wanted.

She sent him a series of texts from the hotel telling him the things she needed to say, things he needed to hear. In return he told her he was moving forward, likely with Hailey. It hurt to hear but she couldn't be angry at Hailey and Jay. She had pushed them together. She'd practically pushed him into her arms. And it HAD been two years, it's not like Upton hadn't given her a chance to come to her senses.

As she drove to the airport to catch her flight back to New York she thought about her life and her decisions. Mahoney had told her to never say never. Told her that if Jay was willing to marry her, he'd be willing to forgive her as long as he understood why she did what she did. She had explained why she did it, and she saw his anger melt away. He loved her, still, she knew that. All Erin had to do was be present. Call, text, check up on his therapy. Be present. Assure him she would never disappear again. It may take some time, but with some work he'd begin to trust her again, and eventually he'd stop being afraid of her. She used to tell cons that doing time was a state of mind, use the time to your advantage. It was great advice. Jay was facing his demons and she could do that too. They could bond over self improvement. As for Hailey, well she could play nice. But one slipup and she'd be there to step in, and she wouldn't give her a two-year head start either. She'd be lucky if she got a two-minute head start.

Erin pulled her rental car into the lot and typed a quick text to Hailey, stating her intentions without saying anything concrete. Hailey was smart though she'd understand the implications.

**Upton, let's face it, we'll never be friends. But we both love Jay and want to see him happy. You're good for him, and you won't hurt him like I did. I won't get in your way again. But like you told me, hurting him wouldn't be a good idea. I may not be in your way, but I'm not going away. Never again. **

To her credit Hailey text her right back, but with her typical Upton arrogance.

**Keep circling if you want. I won't stop you. But I'm not going anywhere. I learned young to treasure important things, not throw them aside like trash.**

Erin didn't respond, couldn't. She didn't need to get in another fight. But as she climbed out of the car she couldn't resist to mumble under her breath. "Jesus, what a fucking bitch."


	3. Chapter 3

Jay Halstead groaned when he heard the knock on the door. Not Hailey he assured himself, it was her room, she wouldn't knock. And she sure as hell hadn't grown shy overnight and began to worry about them seeing one another in their underwear. Last night she'd walked around the apartment in a Chicago Cubs t-shirt and a flimsy pair of shorts so thin he could actually see through them. And she wasn't wearing underwear. And she hadn't blinked last night when he took his pants off and climbed into bed beside her. No, shy she wasn't, she wouldn't bother knocking.

It took about ten seconds for him to shake away the cobwebs and the voice finally registered in his head. Voight. "Fuck," he groaned to himself as he climbed out of bed. The last thing he needed this morning was Hank Voight getting in his face about interpersonal relationships. He couldn't imagine Hank would be welcoming of him getting involved with another partner after he fell apart when Erin left. That had been a colossal professional disaster that Hailey had saved him from by the mere skin of his teeth. He couldn't afford anymore screwups.

He was sure Hank was aware that he and Hailey often stayed the night at one another's place, but he wasn't sure how Hank felt about that. He always knew everything about everyone, but he didn't let you know how he felt about it until he felt it was time. And knowing Hank, catching them red handed meant now was likely the time for him to express his displeasure.

He debated what to do for a second before throwing on his pants and deciding on nothing. If he was caught, he wouldn't waste his time trying to lie, or hide. Besides, if Hank knew anything, he knew he and Hailey were sleeping together, but not SLEEPING together. Their relationship was close, and intimate, cuddling and holding one another, but it wasn't sexual. Not yet. Jay figured that was just a matter of time, but that wasn't important right now. Not really. Sex was great, but being able to share things with her, everything, that was more important to him. What he had with Hailey was the most intimate relationship he'd had with anyone in his entire life. Voight had no way of knowing that. If things got too weird, he'd leave Intelligence before he gave her up.

He buttoned up his pants and grabbed his shirt off the floor and stepped into the living room. Hailey was sitting on the sofa cleaning her gun. She was sitting on a blanket with a pillow propped up on the edge of the sofa. He almost laughed. She thought of everything. Voight was sitting in her godawful chair, looking stiff and uncomfortable. He was hard to read, but Jay could tell he wasn't angry.

"Coffee in the kitchen," Hailey said with practiced calm. She was good at hiding her emotions, but Jay had learned a thing or two in the two years they'd been partners. She usually kept a cool head, but sometimes it was simply a show. Times like now when she said the thing that made her sound relaxed, but when she refused eye contact, and kept her hands busy, she was only pretending to be cool. Inside she was a nervous wreck. He always let this go without bringing it up. It was sort of cute in fact, and most of time it allowed him to protect her. Draw attention away from her.

Today was one of those days. She'd done the hard work and laid out the blanket for Voight to see. It would be hard for him to argue against their relationship being platonic when she was thinking ten steps ahead. Like a good partner, he decided to back her up.

"Sorry I stole your bed. Next time toss me in the bathtub or something. Or at least make ME take the couch."

Hailey smiled, not bothering to look up from cleaning her gun. Seemingly unbeknownst to anyone but him, Hailey was a bit neurotic. She cleaned her gun obsessively, typically when she was nervous about something and needed to think it through. She also hated clutter, and refused to decorate, or accumulate things. She kept her apartment as bare as possible, keeping a sofa, a coffee table, an annoyingly uncomfortable chair, a TV, a bed, a dresser, and a cheap kitchen table with small even cheaper chairs. He'd bought her a housewarming gift, a painting of an empty room decorated only with a table and a vase, as a joke. He hung it that night, fully expecting to find it in the trash the next visit, but she'd left it where it was. Hailey didn't like to change things, now that the painting was hung, she probably wouldn't ever move it. Irregardless of this, and despite her neurosis, she was dangerously quick on her feet. She knew almost immediately that he picked up on her blanket ploy and rewarded him with a smile that made his heart skip a beat.

She shrugged her shoulders. "I was okay, I've woken up in worse places."

Deciding not to dwell too long on something that was supposed to be routine, he looked at Voight. "Boss. What's up?" If Voight was here to chastise them about being too close, they'd surely thrown a wrench in his plan. Voight wasn't the type of guy who doubted himself, but if he were planning on reading them the riot act, he would at least need to reevaluate his intel. Today wasn't the day for it.

"I wanted to talk to you. Not professionally." Voight wanting to get personal? That didn't sound right. Then his mind drifted back to last night. Erin's call. She must have sent Voight to track him down. He hadn't even bothered listening to her message and hearing what she had to say. It didn't matter anymore. He'd put his feelings for her in a little box and sealed it up tight. Then Hailey had made him open up that box and tell her what was inside. She always made him tell her his feelings. He struggled through his feelings for Lindsay, explaining how her leaving him made him feel like an idiot and a fool. She listened intently, hugged him, and told him that he wasn't the fool, Erin was. After that he asked her questions about her past and she struggled just as hard through that. Afterwards they got nice and drunk and hadn't talked about that stuff again.

He couldn't imagine what Erin would want after two years. When she left him, he called her everyday for a week, asking to talk, begging to talk. She hadn't answered, not so much as a text message. Eventually he got the message and left her alone. She obviously didn't want to speak to him, and even though that hurt, he understood. She was entitled to her new life, free from some loser trying to get her on the phone. He hadn't ever reached out again. Two years had passed without contact and suddenly she was calling him up. He didn't answer, didn't listen to her voicemail, and afterwards head straight to Hailey's place where he felt safe. He didn't know what Erin wanted, and didn't want to find out.

"Talk over breakfast? I'm starving." The best move was to get out of the house and get Voight's mind off of him and Hailey. If that meant talking about Erin, so be it.

"I can eat," Voight said nodding his head. He looked over at Hailey. "You're welcome to tag along if you want. I know he's just gonna tell you anyway so you may as well listen in over breakfast."

Hailey laughed, not quite amused but seemingly indignant. She looked down at the gun and motioned at it with her head. "Yeah sure. Let me put this back together though."

Jay pointed at his glock on the table. Whenever Hailey cleaned her own gun, she cleaned his too. He'd seen her do it a hundred times and she was so meticulous he trusted her to get it right more than he trusted himself. He didn't even feel the need to check her work afterwards. Letting someone else clean your gun could be dangerous, in the army he'd been told to never let another soldier so much as touch your weapon. To do so could get you killed. That never so much as crossed his mind the first time she took his gun apart to clean it. He trusted her completely.

"You were gonna get mine too right?" He asked as he pointed to his gun on the table.

Hailey smiled at him. A beautiful smile that made his stomach flutter. "What do you mean? I got yours first."

* * *

"Great, I'll stop by your place." Erin wasn't letting up. Jay almost panicked, ran over to Hailey and asked her what he should do. But Hailey was sitting with Voight. Having breakfast. She looked over at him as if she knew by instinct that he needed her, and he watched as she spun her fork in her fingers. She looked calm, and her face was stone, but she was only pretending to be strong. This wasn't just hard on him, it was hard on her too. If she could pretend to be strong, then he could too. So he mustered his courage.

"No, not my place, that's not a good idea." Jay knew Erin. Sex solved everything with her. Whenever they fought, she settled things with bedroom fun. When they were together it hadn't bothered him. Hell, it didn't bother him now. But he knew her well. If they ended up at his place, she'd surely talk him out of his clothes, and he didn't want that. He loved her, he always would. But he wasn't in love with her. Not anymore. And more importantly he didn't trust her. Not for a second.

He wasn't sure why she wanted to see him so badly, but he knew it wasn't a good idea. He was going to propose to her, and that was brand new news to her. But it was old news to him. He'd moved passed it long ago. That being said, he supposed she needed to hear it firsthand. His therapist would call it giving her closure. And this way, he could look her in the eyes and tell her the things he'd been carrying around for two years. The hard things he needed her to know. It would be uncomfortable but it was more than she'd given him. Still, doing that wasn't exactly a good idea. The smart move was to let sleeping dogs lie.

"You know you don't have to come to Chicago, we can do this on the phone," he said doing his best to sound firm. Erin was stuck on coming to town to see him. She was being sneaky, she wanted something, expected something. He couldn't imagine what she thought would happen after all this time.

Erin didn't budge. "I think me coming to town and looking you in the eyes is the best way to handle this Jay. I have to come to town anyway I told you, so we can sit down and talk about this thing hanging over our heads, then move forward."

"I've already moved forward. I don't want you to come Erin. I'll see you if you do, for old times sake, but I don't want you to come. I've moved on. I know you've done the same."

Erin laughed. "Who says I moved on? It's not easy replacing a guy like you. I've lived in the two biggest cities in the United States and I've only found one of you. I shouldn't have run off like I did. I got scared and freaked out. I won't do that again."

Jay knew that was true. But he didn't want her feeling like everything was okay between them. She hadn't earned his trust. And the thought of getting back together with her was terrifying. And if he DID get back with her, he knew her. Hailey would be gone. She was an obstacle for Erin, and Erin didn't like obstacles.

"Well, look me up when you get to town," Jay was on his feet and heading back to the booth with Hailey and Voight waiting. He pulled the phone away from his ear and sat it down in front of Voight. "Thanks boss. I'm pretty sure she's still there."

Voight put the phone up to his ear as Hailey slipped out of the booth to let Jay back to his breakfast. He slid back into the booth and took a nervous sip of warm coffee. Hailey slipped into the booth as Voight slipped out and walked over to the same corner Jay had just abandoned.

"You okay," Hailey asked as she flashed him a look of concern. She was good at playing it cool, but she could never hide her worry from him.

He nodded, and for good measure gave her thigh a quick squeeze. It was a crossing of the boundaries that they held between them. Up until this point they had avoided physical contact. The only time they seemed to touch was in bed, when she snuggled up close to him and wrapped an arm around him at night when the lights were off. It was a subtle thing, but a genuine broadening of their intimacy level that he enjoyed. He made up his mind that he should kiss her soon, cement his intentions, but he didn't want to rush things. Things were progressing so well he didn't want to ruin it.

"I'm good. Just Erin stuff," he said softly. The word Erin seemed to explain everything to her without him having to say anything at all. "We'll talk," he finally said giving Voight a careful look. She nodded then waved towards Ruby the waitress and asked for more coffee. They finished breakfast with no further mention of Erin Lindsay.

* * *

Jay hadn't expected what he got when he showed up at Hailey's place. She'd been stressed, he knew that much because she was in the bath instead of the shower. When things got really stressful for her, she ran a hot bath, turned off the lights, and climbed in the tub. At first he felt like he was intruding, but she ushered him inside and shut the door behind him when he came inside. In Hailey speak, that meant don't go anywhere, so he didn't.

Things took a turn when she pulled off her robe, flashing him a look at her beautiful ass and a sideview of her breasts. He hadn't known what to do, but she quickly instructed him to pull up a chair and join her in the bathroom. He almost wavered, but as if she could read his mind, she told him to stop being silly and come look already so they could talk.

He hadn't wanted to look, well he DID want to, but he wasn't sure if he was crossing some line they'd drawn in the sand. But it was her idea. She'd gotten naked. She'd told him to look. And she was giving him permission to see her naked. So, he looked. She had a beautiful body and he suddenly realized cuddling wasn't enough for him anymore. He felt the blood rush to his crotch and realized he had an erection. She was beautiful, her body was beautiful. And she wanted him to see it, or didn't mind that he did, that much was clear.

They talked about Erin. She was putting a huge wrench into their lives but as that topic came to a close the conversation switched to a more playful topic, their relationship. Or what would be their relationship if not for their pasts with Erin and Ruzek. Jay knew forming any kind of public relationship now would be tricky. They had both dated inside the unit already and forming another relationship together would likely be looked upon as a pattern of behavior. Likely a disturbing pattern of behavior knowing Voight. Once was understandable, twice was a habit. Despite the uncomfortableness of it all, it was nice to hear that he wasn't alone in his thoughts about the two of them. Hailey had thought about the two of them progressing things also and seemingly had the same worries. And like him, if forced to choose, she'd leave the unit. He shut that talk down. He liked working with her so he reminded her that he'd go where she went. It didn't matter where that was. From this day on out, they were a package deal.

Hailey wasn't usually the type to pour her heart out, but Erin had sent Kim Burgess over to Hailey's place to be nosy, and their conversation had forced Hailey to move things along faster than she probably wanted to. Things had been moving, seemingly slowly, but Jay hadn't realized how much they'd moved until today. They were serious, at least they had the potential to be serious. They shared everything with one another and today he'd realized just how physically attracted to her he was. Later, when Hailey playfully joked about him being allowed to have nude photos of her on his phone if they were married, he thought about what it would be like to be able to see her body whenever he wanted.

By the time she made it out of the bath she was back in her Chicago Cubs night shirt and another pair of flimsy shorts, still without underwear. He smiled when he saw her and took a sip of his beer.

"Aw, you put some clothes on. I was hoping to get another peek," he teased.

Hailey sat down next to him on the sofa, resting her damp hair on her shoulder. "You can see as much or as little of me as you want. Any time you want. Just say the word." She yawned and rested her head on the back of the sofa and curled her legs up close to her body. Within a minute she was nuzzled up close to him, within ten she was asleep.

After the game he was watching ended, he picked her up in his arms and carried her to bed. She smiled in his arms as he held her close to his body. As he laid her in her bed the smile slipped away from her face.

"Stay or go," he asked. He didn't actually expect an answer but hated leaving, especially without saying goodbye. He leaned in, kissed her forehead and said goodnight. When he turned to head out, head home, she groaned.

"Stay," she said softly, still half asleep. "Stay. Always stay."

He laughed, she was sleeping but she had offered, and he wasn't going to pass it up. "Okay," he said as he pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it to the floor. "I'll stay. Let me go turn out the lights and I'll climb in bed with you."

He stepped back into the living room, shut off the TV, and the lights, and made his way back into the bedroom. Hailey had climbed under the blanket, but she'd pulled it back just enough for him to climb under with her. He pulled off his shoes, socks, and pants and climbed in bed beside her. Almost instantly she snuggled up close and sighed with satisfaction. He drifted off quickly, comfortable and happy.

* * *

"Hailey what the hell?" Jay asked. Hailey was angry, as angry as he'd ever seen her and for a moment, he thought she was going to hit him too. Erin didn't look scared, but he could see the worry in her eyes. Erin was tough, but she wasn't the kind of woman to get into dustups. She may have come from a rough place, but she wasn't a fighter. Hailey on the other hand wasn't afraid of mixing it up. She loved getting her hands dirty and Jay knew that if he hadn't stepped into the room just in time, she'd have thrown her whole career away punching Erin's lights out. The thought had scared him more than made him angry and him snapping at her was more his fear and adrenaline than fury.

She looked at him and he could see her piecing together what had happened. What she was doing. She looked in his eyes and her anger melted away like summer snow. "I was sitting at my desk. I was minding my own business."

He could see she was worried now, worried he was angry at her. They fought constantly, about everything, but it was never rooted in anger. Most of the time it was just for kicks. But this was seemingly different. She was afraid he was angry at her. Really angry this time, and the thought seemed to terrify her. He nipped that in the bud.

"It's okay. We're okay," he assured her nodding his head. He put his hands and her shoulders and began to nod more slowly. "Take a walk and give me a minute." She needed to cool off, gather her wits. Erin showing up had put him on edge, but he hadn't considered what it would do to Hailey. Had he been thinking he would have sent her a text to warn her, but everything had happened so fast. One moment he was at his desk and the next Erin was here, telling him that she'd marry him right now if he asked. She'd gone from hello to let's get back together in record time. And she'd all but insinuated that it would be perfectly okay to climb into bed together like no time had passed.

The mere thought of it had freaked him out and he ran, as fast as he could. He loved Erin, but he was passed that. No way would they be climbing back into bed together. The only bed he wanted to share was Hailey's and she was standing before him freaked out. Worried she'd made him angry.

Her eyes widened and locked on his. "I'm sorry Jay. I didn't mean to start a fight. I just don't want her to hurt you again. I can't stand to see you that way again. Not ever. I promised myself I wouldn't let her do that to you again."

Jay knew how he felt about Hailey, deep down he'd always known. But it was in this moment that he understood that he loved her. He loved her and wanted to be with her. Not just a couple times a week, but every night.

But now wasn't the time. Hailey wasn't in her right mind and Erin was standing right here. She'd made another mess of things, but Hailey wouldn't want anyone seeing her this way. She rarely fell apart, and never in public where people could see. The last time she'd fallen apart was when he was shot, and she ended up going home with Ruzek that night. She explained later that Ruzek was a complete gentleman until she jumped his bones, but she understood that entire night had been about him and her fear of losing him, and her refusing to face that fact. At the time he'd been a bit jealous of the thing with Ruzek, but Hailey had been cool about him sleeping with Camila. How could HE be a jerk about Ruzek? Besides, Adam wasn't a bad guy, and he did genuinely seem to care about her. Camilla on the other hand was a suspect, and drug dealer and was supposed to be completely off limits.

"It's okay," he continued to nod. "It's fine." She looked at him and finally began to nod along with him. "Go," he said motioning towards the door with his head. She nodded a quick okay and disappeared down the hall.

Jay watched her go and finally focused his attention on Erin. "Erin what the fuck? You start shit with Hailey in the squad. You trying to jump something off?"

Erin still looked angry. Even more angry than she'd looked a second ago and she immediately began to defend herself. Up until this very moment she'd been out right refusing to defend herself for absolutely anything. Everything he threw at her she took on the chin with a nod and an apology.

Now Erin took a step back. "How the fuck was I supposed to know she would freak out? She's usually ice cold. I have a right to know what's up."

Jay understood for the first time that Erin hadn't really expected things to be different. She expected him to be angry, but she also expected that she'd be forgiven if she apologized enough. Hailey was a mere inconvenience to her, but not a real threat. When she showed up, Hailey and the last two years, were supposed to simply evaporate. Now she saw that none of this was true, and it pissed her off.

"You don't have the right to shit," he corrected her. "You gave up that right two years ago when you walked out on me. YOU broke MY heart Erin. I didn't run off to New York and start a new life. That was YOU. You don't get to come back here now telling me what your rights are. You don't have the right to jack shit. Not anymore."

Erin began to shake her head. "Is this about her? Come on Jay. I mean I get it. She's pretty. And she takes care of you. But she's not me. It's supposed to be you and me. It was always supposed to be you and me."

Jay was so taken aback that he almost laughed. "Are you serious? You're the reason there is no you and me. You basically told me to fuck off and flew away to New York. All you left any of us is a bunch of text messages and a few voicemails. We all called you and you didn't call any of us back. You don't get to show up after two years telling me that it's supposed to be you and me. I was here. I was ready. You took off. Not me."

She nodded, her anger was gone just as quickly as it appeared and she was back to playing Erin the diplomat. "Why don't you try coming to New York. Take a few days, see what it's like. You can get an apartment and I know a bunch of big shots at the NYPD, they'd jump at the chance for a cop like you. We can get you squared away with a job and a place, and the two of us can try again. We can take things slow. Really fucking slow. Just give me a chance to make it up to you. Leaving you is the major fuck up of my entire life Jay. I just want the chance to make it right."

He was tired of being angry at her. Once upon a time he'd dreamed of hearing her say those words. Her coming back to him, asking him to move to New York, start a new life with her. But that had been a fairy tale. His life was here.

"Erin we're passed that. I would have gone with you, back then. Not now. Had you told me that you needed to go, I wouldn't have hesitated to pack a bag and hit the road with you. But that was two years ago. I'm not in that place anymore. And neither are you."

Erin waved the comment away. "You don't get to tell me how I feel. You said that to me the other day. My feelings are valid until I say they aren't anymore. You don't get a say."

Jay wanted to scream. She was using his own words against him. Instead of back tracking, he accepted them. Her feelings were valid, but they weren't enough. Not anymore.

"You're right. I'm sorry. You're entitled to feel any way you want to about me. I understand. And someplace deep down I know I feel the same way about you. But not now. I'm moving on Erin. I've moved on. You should too."

Erin smiled, an unnerving wry smile that sent a chill down his spine. "Well, you can't blame a girl for trying right." There was something about the look in her eyes that sent a shiver down his spine. His words hadn't reached her. She was still on mission.

"No. I get it. But as for right now. We're friends," he said firmly. "Barely," he added for emphasis.

She nodded. "Understood. Think about dinner though. We can go to a public place with plenty of witnesses. You can tell me all about Hailey and what you've been up to for the past two years."

Jay said a quick okay and used the break in tension as an excuse to leave the room. He didn't need this. Not today. Not any day in fact. For the first time since he'd known her, Erin reminded him of her mom and that thought terrified him.

* * *

Jay hated dressing up, but some occasions deserved a suit and tie. And when he knocked on Hailey's door like a gentleman and saw her in a beautiful purple dress with sequins, her blonde hair hanging over her shoulder with a hint of curls, he realized a suit was definitely in order. He thanked God he'd decided to go all out on tonight. If he had shown up in jeans with her looking so perfect he'd never have forgiven himself.

"You look beautiful," he said fumbling the words awkwardly.

She smiled in response and started to speak, but before she got a chance to open her mouth he leaned in and kissed her. Quickly and gently on the lips, and with the tips of his fingers touching her chin. She seemed surprised but didn't pull away. In fact she leaned into it, accepted it without an ounce of discomfort and awkwardness. Then she abruptly pulled away.

"Later for all that. If we keep that up we'll never leave the house," she said with a chuckle.

He couldn't help but laugh and waited patiently while she rechecked her makeup, grabbed her purse and locked the door. Jay wasn't exactly a romantic. A date in his mind always consisted of dinner and a movie. Never did the dinner involve putting on a suit. But since Hailey had specifically mentioned going someplace nice he chose the nicest place he could manage.

The restaurant was one of those fancy places you only read about in magazines. A restaurant with a fancy name, in a building that looked like an office building, on a street that looked like a street where people carried briefcases and made phone calls to far off places. He'd found the menu on the internet and the place was insanely expensive, but he figured if he were putting on a suit, and Hailey was putting on a nice dress, why not splurge a little.

When they arrived he left his car with a pimply faced valet and went inside. The inside of the building looked like an office as well, and they climbed in a regular looking elevator to the designated floor.

The moment they stepped off the elevator it became obvious that they were in a restaurant. A waiting Maitre D checked their reservation, made them wait five minutes, then led them to a table. Jay could see Hailey was impressed by the whole thing. When they pulled up to the building, she'd surely been thinking what he was thinking, that it looked like an office building and there definitely wasn't a restaurant inside. Her attitude shifted when she stepped off the elevator and saw the place. It was full of fancy looking people, eating fancy food. She instinctively looked down at herself as if she were underdressed so he immediately leaned in and whispered into her ear that she looked fine and was the most beautiful woman in the place. She responded by holding his hand.

Having already looked at the menu online Jay wasn't surprised by what he found. Hailey's eyes widened when she saw it, certainly surprised. There weren't any prices listed, just tiers. Tier one, salad and an entrée, went for over a hundred dollars. The prices increased dramatically from there, adding things as the tiers increased, appetizers, desserts, and other things that were well over his level of dining understanding. He gave the menu a dismissive shake of his head and leaned slightly across the table.

"What about those tablecloths now bigshot?"

She laughed at the break in tension and a waiter showed up immediately asking about wine. Jay hadn't bothered studying the wine and almost asked for a beer before Hailey cut him off and ordered something indecipherable to him.

"You were about to ask for a Bud Light weren't you," she asked when the waiter disappeared? "God. Can't take this guy anywhere," she teased.

"I didn't study the wine," Jay admitted with a whisper.

"You did homework," she said laughing softly? "I was starting to get freaked out. I thought I was going to be overdressed and would get to make you feel bad all night. Then you bring me to this fancy place, with a beautiful view of the city, with this overpriced menu. I was thinking to myself, is this what he does on all his dates? We could have just gone to Applebee's and saw a movie."

Jay sighed with fake annoyance. "I was thinking Applebee's. Or that place with the peanut shells on the floor that serves steaks."

Hailey's eyes brightened with interest. "Next weekend let's go there. I'll pay since it's like 95% cheaper than this place."

"Oh, thanks," Jay teased.

She smiled then looked at him, this time with warmth and genuine happiness. "Seriously. This is beautiful. If I forget to say it later. This is really nice. Thank you."

Hearing that made the entire night worth it and Jay offered a quick you're welcome, as the waiter returned with the wine. He asked if they were ready to order and instead of saying no and taking their time looking over the menu, they both rushed quickly through the ordering process and sent him on his way.

"I want you to stay over tonight. Just in case you were wondering," she said. "After that kiss, and this place. You're definitely going to get lucky tonight if you don't blow it," she said while taking another sip of wine.

"Don't count it out. The night's still young," Jay said with a smile. Hailey laughed nearly spitting her wine across the table. Jay looked at her and shook his head with disappointment. "That's it. I can't take you anyplace can I? And you thought you were getting lucky tonight." She did spit up her wine this time and Jay looked around the room a bit embarrassed for them both.

"God, we are so going to get kicked out of here. We're like the Beverly Hillbillies," she said making him laugh even harder. Seeing her happy was enough for him. Even if the rest of the night turned out to be a bust he knew he'd always remember it.

They behaved themselves through dinner, making casual conversation and avoiding speaking about anything difficult. Erin didn't come up, neither did work, or the problems that would inevitably arise from a night like tonight leading to what they both anticipated it would. They simply enjoyed each other's company, and their overpriced dinners.

They were halfway through dessert when the night took a turn. Their phones went off simultaneously and Jay rolled his eyes. Across the table Hailey groaned.

"Oh for Gods sake," she said not hiding her annoyance. "Can't these bozo's keep from killing each other for one night?"

Jay laughed as he answered his phone and watched her do the same. Duty called.

* * *

The crime scene happened to be ten minutes away, and it would have taken them nearly thirty to drive home, change, and get back. Hailey suggested they do exactly that, but Atwater said one of the CPD big shots was on scene because some rich kid had gotten himself killed. It was all hands on deck and from what Atwater could tell that meant Jay and Hailey should get here immediately.

When Jay pulled up to the scene he saw that Atwater was right. It was a complete madhouse and the place was swarming with snobby types, who despite his own state of overdress, made him feel as if he'd just crawled out of bed. He dug his badge out of the glove box and tucked it in the front pocket of his jacket and climbed out the drivers seat. Instinctively he walked around to the passenger side and grabbed Hailey's door, then realized where he was and instantly regretted it.

Hailey pulled her own badge out of her purse, but always a step ahead, she hung it around her neck on a chain, no doubt having anticipated such an event where she'd have no hip to clip it to. She took his hand as she climbed out, looked down at her feet and shook her head.

"Damn heels," she said almost to herself. "Remind me to keep some sneakers in your trunk."

He nodded. "No problem."

She gave his hand a squeeze then let it go and tied her hair up. "Raincheck on the rest of tonight. I'll make it up to you."

He started to say, don't worry about it, when he heard their names being called. Voight had spotted them. He forced himself not to react and walked in the boss's direction. Hailey trailed behind him, her heels clicking on the pavement. He couldn't see her face but he knew she was already in stone faced Hailey Upton mode. When they reached Voight he was standing with Kim and Antonio.

"Wow, night on the town huh?" Antonio said playfully. He looked Hailey over and nodded. "You look fantastic." He looked over at Jay and brushed the shoulder of his suit jacket. "You clean up real good Halstead."

Kim stood silent. After Hailey bit her head off a few days ago she wouldn't risk saying anything that would tick her off. Jay would have to remind Hailey to take Kim out for that girl's night.

"What we got?" Hailey asked, ignoring Antonio's comments. It was subtle but it was her way of saying shut up about it already. Antonio readily obliged.

"26 year old victim of two gunshot wounds found in a nearby alley about an hour ago. Identified as a Christopher Standish, son of a big shot real estate developer named Gavin Standish. Young Standish was seen at the hotel earlier in the evening with a woman, middle aged, identified through security video as Maxine O'Malley. Her husband is a Terrance O'Malley, some Hedge Fund billionaire. He was found a block from here a few minutes ago. Claims he was just passing by. Ruzek and Atwater are talking to him now. He doesn't have an alibi. They're thinking he found out his wife was cheating, and put a few bullets in young Christopher."

Voight shook his head. "Brass is freaking out. They said bring him downtown if we absolutely have to, but treat him with kid gloves." He looked over his shoulder and pointed at Ruzek and Atwater. "That's the husband."

The two young officers were standing with one of the CPD white shirts and a man who looked like he was going to have a heart attack. Jay's eyes rounded with surprise when he saw the man, he recognized him immediately.

"That the husband," he asked with surprise. He gave Hailey's arm a squeeze and pointed in that direction with his head. "Hailey."

"Yeah," Antonio said. "No alibi, he's looking good for it. Cheating wife, jealous husband."

"Son of a bitch," Hailey said softly then walked off. "He's got an alibi." Jay followed her, always ready to back her play, whatever it was. Voight followed closely but didn't speak.

"Guys, guys. He's okay," she said stepping in. She looked at the boss in the white shirt, a deputy chief, and shook her head. "Boss, he's not the shooter." She looked at the husband, red faced and sweating. Jay recognized him almost immediately from the restaurant. He had been with a woman half his age who looked as if she stepped right out of a fashion magazine. He left five minutes before he and Hailey did, so he absolutely wasn't the shooter.

Jay followed Hailey's lead and walked over to the sweaty billionaire and extended his hand. "Terry, I'm sorry about this. We heard about the shooting and went into cop mode and Hailey and I didn't even think that it was YOU Terrance O'Malley they were looking at." Jay looked at Atwater and Ruzek and shook his head. "Guys, Hailey and I can alibi Terry out for tonight. He absolutely wasn't the shooter he was having dinner at a restaurant around the corner."

The deputy chief looked relieved but looked at Jay with a raised eyebrow. Surprisingly Voight stepped in.

"Boss Detectives Upton and Halstead was with the victim tonight having dinner. They gave me a heads up that a guy was looking at hiring a couple of professionals to run his corporate security and wanted to feel them out. They were with this guy most of the night, definitely at the time of the murder. He isn't the shooter."

O'Malley sensing the out jumped in. "Yes, we were together all night. I didn't say because I didn't want to get them in trouble. In my business something like that would get them fired. I left the restaurant maybe twenty minutes ago."

"Maybe even fifteen. Five minutes before us and it took us ten minutes to drive over," Hailey said quickly.

Atwater looked at Jay with suspicion but didn't speak. Ruzek only nodded. "You guys finish the interview then yeah," he looked at the sweaty red faced cheating husband and extended a hand. O'Malley shook it fast. "Sorry about the confusion sir. Jay and Hailey will take it from here."

The Deputy chief pounced like a lion. "Terry, it seems your wife knew the victim. It looks like it could possibly be twisted up to look like maybe it was an affair. There's security footage of her and the victim from earlier tonight in a hotel lobby. I guess the question is, we have to type up a report. It doesn't look like she was involved in the murder so to help you avoid any embarrassment we can limit the amount of information that goes in that report concerning your wife. Female friend and so forth. Or we can be as descriptive as possible and when the case is finished get you a copy of that report as well as the security footage to be used in marital counseling and so forth."

Jay wanted to puke. He knew the bosses wanted to avoid embarrassing a rich Chicago bigshot if they could, but helping him get ammunition against his wife in case of a divorce was another thing. Especially since he knew for a fact that the guy was off doing the exact same thing tonight.

Something in his face must have showed because Hailey subtly grabbed his hand. He knew he was being silly but the whole situation turned his stomach. But he had to face the facts, he lived in Chicago. And this is how things like this worked in this city.

O'Malley understood almost immediately. "Actually I wouldn't want to impede the investigation in any way. Type it up exactly as it happened. It's only right."

The Deputy Chief nodded. "I figured as much. I'll have my people wrap this investigation up. And assuming you didn't hire anyone to murder this kid and used my detectives as an alibi, I wouldn't much worry about it. We'll go where the investigation leads us, but for now Detectives Halstead and Upton will finish your statement and you'll be free to go. Your wife will be a few hours of course." O'Malley nodded. "Halstead, Upton. You guys finish up with him and go finish your night. Just come see me Monday morning first thing."

The white shirt didn't even bother waiting for a reply, he was gone like a puff of smoke. Beside them Voight nodded his head. "You heard the boss. Wrap up your statement and take off."

O'Malley, like the white shirt, smelled blood. The guy was a billionaire. A divorce would cost him a whole lot of money. A cheating wife, a convicted drug user, mixed up in a murder trial, would get substantially less. "I would look into drugs. My wife might have a problem with drugs. If you check her purse, you're sure to find some cocaine. That poor boy. He may have been mixed up in that too. That may be what all this is about."

Voight nodded with understanding. "Absolutely sir," he looked over his shoulder for Kim and Antonio who had been standing quietly aside. "You guys start looking into the drug angle. Go, re-canvass the witnesses and see if anyone possibly fits that story."

"Got it," Kim said. She walked over to Hailey leaned into her and whispered something before walking off, Hailey shifted uncomfortably but didn't respond.

* * *

"That was fucking bullshit," Jay said as he climbed into bed. Hailey hadn't bothered getting angry. She was nothing if not practical.

"You heard the Deputy Chief. He's got this locked down already. Get that rich guy his divorce, make a powerful friend. Monday he's going to make sure we're okay with it, but in actuality he's going to subtly threaten us then become our best friend. My guess, the moment he left he head straight to that restaurant and snatched up the security footage. Our date included."

Jay sighed. "So we getting jammed up you think?"

She stepped out of her dress and for the first time tonight he noticed she hadn't been wearing a bra. She was naked, nearly so, but it didn't even seem important anymore. He was getting used to seeing her body. "No. He won't jam us up. Not unless we make a big deal out of things. We handed this to him on a silver platter. He'll look out for us if we need him too."

She walked over and climbed into bed beside him, leaned into him and kissed him. He kissed her back. "So it's a good thing?"

She shook her head. "It's not good or bad. It's a thing. If we need something, he'll probably help us. But if he needs something, he'll ask us."

"That sounds like a threat to me. You know these bosses. They'll have us spying on Voight or pulling evidence." He could just imagine what this would lead to.

"If we get asked to do anything at all, we tell Voight straight up. We tell him and he'll come up with a plan. We're loyal to each other first. Then Voight. Then the Deputy chief, yeah?"

He liked the idea of that. "Yeah okay. Us, Voight, then the DC."

She laughed, then leaned over him, her breasts brushing gently against his face, and turned out the lights. "If the DC asks, of course we don't tell him that. If he asks, we say us, HIM, then Voight."

"This is a pain in the ass. I hate politics."

"I'll handle the politics. Platt schooled me on all this stuff."

Jay laughed, "Of course she did." He barely got the words out before she straddled his waist and leaned into him. She kissed him again, but not quick like before. Slow and passionately. This kiss told him things, everything he wanted to know.

"Last chance to back out," she said as she pulled away. "I've been putting this off because once we do it, we can't undo it. I care about you Jay. I can't say the other thing yet because it's weird to say it this soon. But if we do this and you wake up tomorrow and say it was a mistake or that you need time to think about things. I'm going to be hurt."

He didn't need any time to think about anything. Instead of answering her he pulled her close and kissed her again. It may be complicated, and it may cause trouble at work, but they were in this together. He had her back and she had his.

"I think it's weird to say it this soon too. But I feel the same way. I'm not going anyplace. And this isn't a mistake, and I don't need time to think. It's time Hailey. We're ready."

* * *

"Did you see that dress? And those shoes? They're definitely doing it. You don't get dressed up like that for just anyone. And that place he took her. That's the sort of place a guy takes you when he's going to propose. My girlfriend from college went there with her boyfriend and she knew he was going to propose the second she got there. It's that nice." The patrol officer brushed a stray piece of hair from her forehead and looked at her female companion with confidence. "They're definitely doing it. If they weren't before, they are after he took her there. It's crazy romantic."

"And he's proposing now?" The other officer said skeptically.

"NO, that's just how nice the place is. It's really nice, and romantic, is all I'm saying. I'm not saying he proposed."

Trudy Platt rolled her eyes. "You two gossip mongers finished over there? Because I guess neither of you two realize how pissed off Upton would be if she even got a whiff of you guys talking about this out here in the open."

Trudy had met a lot of cops over the years, and none of them ever reacted as harshly as Hailey Upton when it came to stuff like this. There was something about Jay Halstead that got that girl's motor running and any hint of interference set her off. Of course, Trudy understood, even if Upton didn't, that this meant she had it bad for the guy. Trudy also knew that saying so was only asking for trouble.

"We were just saying," one of the officers started to say.

"It doesn't matter. Upton will freak the hell out if she knew you were talking about this. And supposing you're right, why would you risk getting her jammed up by advertising it?" Young cops didn't think things through. Especially when it came to things like this. It was all well and good to gossip, but not out here in the middle of the room. "Haven't you heard of the girl code? You don't risk another woman's situation like this. You really want to ruin this for her? Like you said yourself, how many guys have you dated that would take you to a nice place like that? Supposing she has that sort of guy, we need to support her. Right? If anyone asks, nothing's going on between them."

The two patrol officers nodded with understanding. Then the chattier of the two looked at Trudy with a bit of worry. "What about the other night. They were clearly out on a date and the DC saw them. Now they're at his office this morning? Are they in trouble?"

Trudy wished she knew. These things could go several different ways in Chicago. They could be getting chastised and separated, promoted, threatened. Any number of things could be happening. She'd long ago learned not to speculate.

"Ladies we should do what Upton would advise us to do if she heard us even talking about this. And that's mind our own business."

Trudy had heard about Upton's blowup at Burgess, and her nearly coming to blows with Lindsay in the squad room upstairs. Everyone had. She would have never guessed Upton capable of that sort of thing, but word had spread pretty quickly that she was notorious for it.

A patrol officer asked her once if they were dating, Upton responded, what fucking business is that of yours? A detective from another house asked if she and Halstead were an item, Upton replied, who are you my dad? There were dozens of those stories floating around and Trudy refused to become one of them.

"Yeah, you're right," the second patrol officer added with understanding. "She wouldn't like us talking about this." She looked at her partner and offered a half shrug. "She DID help us find that flashlight the other day. Saved our asses." She looked at Trudy with confidence. "We've got her back Sarge."

Trudy nodded. "Good. Now get back out there."

* * *

Deputy Chief Noel James didn't exactly threaten them when they showed up to his office. Hailey had been right about that. Jay suspected she would be, but he also didn't quite know politics. Life was much simpler without politics. Problems had solutions. Most of the times things were simple, politics just complicated things unnecessarily. When you had to account for reelection campaigns and donors, things just got messy.

DC James did know politics however. He was a high ranking CPD official and you didn't get that high in rank by playing things straight. Rumor had it he was a mediocre patrol officer but an excellent test taker. That in and of itself wasn't a big shocker, there were hundreds of cops on the force not cut out for actually doing the job. Jay didn't judge, administrative tasks had to get done anyway, why not the flat foots and morons. If he had the choice of having them on the street messing things up, or getting promoted, Jay chose promotions, out of the way and behind a desk. DC James was a different animal though, he was ambitious, and from what Jay saw of the guy in action, he was quick on his feet. The guy was dangerous. And he had surely called him and Hailey here to get them under thumb.

They spent ten minutes in his waiting room, and when he finally brought them into his office, he sat them down, then proceeded to engage them in chit chat for another ten minutes. Then, after a sufficient amount of time of beating around the bush, he eventually got to the point. It was the same game he played with O'Malley.

"Detectives," he said without showing an ounce of emotion. He must do this sort of thing everyday Jay figured. He wasn't much to look at, fifties, balding, and aging badly with crows feet around beady brown eyes and a growing beer gut. Still, Jay learned in the military never to judge a man's ability by his appearance.

"I had to verify your story the other night, about O'Malley and the restaurant. I just got your report from Voight."

Jay could sense a hint of frustration in his face. Hailey had written the report on Sunday afternoon after they finally pried themselves out of bed and out of each other's arms. She had gone through three drafts of the thing, something he thought was overkill, but he kept quiet and let her work. She had meticulously worded the thing to imply they were with O'Malley at the restaurant, but it was never outright stated directly that they were together. The entire thing was a lesson in covering your ass. After Jay read it Hailey kissed him and reminded him, problems in your paperwork is how they get you.

After stopping off at the office and typing up their official reports, alternate versions of the same carefully worded statement, they passed them off to Voight, who read them, smiled slightly, then nodded his approval. "I knew better than to worry about this," he said shaking his head. "Go see him but keep your wits about you."

It was only then that Jay saw the game at play. A lie, or even a misrepresentation in the report was a serious offense that would get them under thumb, probably forever. There wasn't a statute of limitations on that sort of thing and it could get them fired if a boss wanted their heads. Hailey's work on the report had cleared one hurdle but this meeting was another.

"Yeah," Jay said to the Deputy Chief, nodding with confidence. "They collared a guy. Drug thing like the husband said. Wife took a cocaine bust too. Not felony weight, but a headache."

DC James nodded. "The video showed you guys were alone. The husband was AT the restaurant, but he wasn't with you guys like you stated on scene."

Hailey looked at him, her face betraying nothing, her eyes sharp. "Yeah well, rich guy like that, out with his mistress, no need in making him an enemy right? We saw him there we knew he wasn't the shooter. So, we gave him an out that didn't involve him admitting on record that he was with some other woman who wasn't his wife. And our report doesn't actually SAY we were with him, just implied we were. If we actually said we were, we could get jammed up."

DC James smiled. He had clearly expected them to do that very thing, lie and get jammed up. Most cops would have, Jay realized. If not for Hailey, he would have himself.

"So its done then," he admitted. He said it was done, but Jay could see that it wasn't true. He wasn't finished, not by a long shot. "However, it looks like you two were out on a date. Fancy place like that, dressed the way you were." He began to shake his head, drumming his fingers on his desk. "I don't have to tell you the department's rule about that sort of thing. Partners getting mixed up."

Jay steeled his nerves. He'd been interrogated by the best while in the army. He'd even been captured and tortured by the Taliban. No way was THIS guy going to break him.

Beside him Hailey's expression hadn't changed. She didn't look to be affected at all. But her hands, hidden from James' view by his desk, told him another story. Her fingers were dancing, fidgeting nervously. Sensing her frazzled nerves, he took the lead.

"Yeah, huh," he said not admitting to anything. Never, ever, confess. Any beat cop knows that. Confessing takes all your options away. Sometimes even with proof against you, a good lawyer could get you off. If you confessed there was nothing you could argue anymore, you were going down.

DC James waited for an explanation that clearly wasn't coming. Jay could sense his frustration growing. The guy probably did this twice a day without a problem but was coming up empty. Not getting what he needed, he decided to switch tactics.

"Rule is, one of you transfers out to another house," he said with a raised brow.

Hailey's hand balled into a fist. She was about ten seconds from freaking out. He gave her leg a subtle squeeze to calm her.

"You're the boss," Jay said nonchalantly. "We'd just as soon keep working together but you're in charge, if you say one of us goes, one of us goes."

DC James stared silently.

"I can go back to robbery homicide," Hailey said leaning back comfortably in her seat. She saw the game afoot. Call this guy's bluff.

"No," Jay cut in. "I can go. Maybe to SWAT, or Narcotics," he began, seeming to give the idea some serious thought.

"I'm not going to Vice," Hailey said. "Dressing up like a hooker in 30 degree weather, no thanks."

Jay laughed, a forced laugh but one that sounded genuine if you didn't know him. "We'll figure out who goes."

DC James began to shake his head. His gambit coming up bust he finally threw in the towel.

"Nobody has seen that video but me. Nobody has to go anyplace. You guys just stay out of trouble, keep your heads down and be more discreet and we're fine here."

"Yeah, huh," Hailey said sounding like him. He smiled inside.

"Yeah. Although I may need an occasional favor from you guys." He leaned forward. "Your boss can be a bit of a headache at times. If a situation gets out of hand, I may need to thumb the scale a bit and I can only do that if I know what's going on."

Jay nodded. "Understood."

Hailey agreed. "Understood."

DC James chuckled a bit and laughed. "I like you two. You're locked up tight. You're not gonna give me anything are you?"

"Nothing to give boss," Jay said casually.

"Well how about your loyalty. Do I at least have your loyalty?" Any other boss would be angry, or desperate. James was amused.

Hailey relaxed, her fist unclenched, her fingers stopped fidgeting. She looked over at Jay, then at James. "My loyalty goes like this, HIM, then you boss, then Voight. Voight's a good guy, but you're the boss right, so that trumps him."

Jay didn't hesitate. "I agree. My loyalty goes HER, then you. Then Voight. No question."

This is exactly what James wanted to hear. There was no threat. Separating them if they didn't play ball was seemingly implied. On the flip side, they'd led him to believe that wasn't such a big deal, so him using it as a threat again wasn't very likely. Jay had no doubt the guy would eventually find something to use against them but that was a problem for another day.

* * *

"I told her that she was a total smoke show in that dress," Burgess said with a raised eyebrow. "Why?"

Ruzek shrugged. "Just curious."

Kim could tell that wasn't true. She knew Adam too well. He was jealous.

"Adam, it is what it is. You can see the way she looks at him. Everyone can. You had to know it was eventually gonna go down." Adam's problem was that he didn't like to lose. He was used to being the heartbreaker, not the heartbroken. Hailey being with Jay stung his pride. Although in truth he should have spotted the spark between them and stayed away in the first place.

Kim had seen that spark almost immediately. Erin had seen it from New York. Voight surely seen it. Even Kevin had figured it out. Nobody but Ruzek was surprised they were together. Hearing that Jay had taken her to that swanky restaurant didn't surprise anyone either. He had stars in his eyes when he looked at her. The news about them was all over the station already, probably the entire department by now and the working story was that they were madly in love.

Suddenly all the ladies in CPD were all whispering about how lucky Hailey was. Jay Halstead was suddenly dreamy, not that he didn't have his fans already, but now he was the gold standard for boyfriends. And Hailey was being praised for locking him down. The guys were even worse, they were talking about how smooth Jay was. The rumor about Hailey and Erin almost fighting was spreading too, which gave him even more credibility to the boys. The whole thing should have been a mess. And anyone else would have been split up by the bosses already. But they sailed through it unscathed. Not even Voight had an opinion.

"I saw it," Adam said sounding defeated. "I just thought I stood a fighting chance you know."

Kim smiled. "You didn't stand a chance in Hell. You were always gonna lose. And you have to be cool about it. Jay didn't give you any shit when you got with her, and you KNEW how he felt about her when you did it. He shook your hand and told you it was okay."

Adam grudgingly agreed. "I'm happy for them. Seriously. And it's not about HER. It's a bunch of stuff. They lied about it, right to my face. That dinner. Said it was some family thing. You even backed them up." He sighed. "And it's the idea of them too I guess. Of finding that right person, the person you're going to be with. I don't know if I'll find that girl. You were the closest I've come, and I ran you off. I mean Jay had two great girls nearly come to blows over him. Half the women in the department are eyeing him up now. If this Hailey thing doesn't work out, he's golden. I'm still at square one."

Kim sighed. Adam was still a little sour about being lied to. She didn't blame him. In her defense though, she was trying to spare his feelings. Still, it was just like Adam to be feeling sorry for himself while anticipating future action. "I'm sorry I lied. But Jay's not thinking about getting laid Adam. He's in love. And he's earnest, and loyal, you can see it in his face with her. Erin told me his eyes don't lie. A woman can read him like a book, she can tell he loves her when he looks at her. Women find that attractive. Not to mention he's handsome."

She watched Adam nod in understanding and decided to throw him a bone. "Not as handsome as YOU. You're fun and you're sexy, but that's a different thing. You scream I'm going to break your heart. Jay screams I'll love you like crazy. You scream good night in bed. But any woman at this stage in her life is looking for earnest and loyal. Not fun and sexy and a good night in bed."

It should have hurt his feelings, just a tad. But Kim knew Adam Ruzek. He wouldn't care about that. He only heard the compliment, and he occasionally needed his ego fed.

"They both DID look pretty good didn't they?" That had been the talk of the night, how great they'd looked all dressed up. Jay looked really good and Hailey looked stunning. Kim was used to seeing her in work clothes. If that's how she cleaned up, no wonder Jay was head over heels.

"Yeah, and the money he dropped on that place. A couple hundred bucks minimum. Probably three or even four." That sort of place wasn't Kim's thing, but it would have been nice to do at least once.

"We should check it out, me and you. Get dressed up, be like old times."

Kim looked at him suspiciously. "Are you just trying to get laid?"

Adam smiled and Kim knew that meant yes. "Yeah, but it doesn't mean you don't deserve to go. Just once, to say we did. If I'm gonna do something like that with a woman, that woman should be YOU Kim."

Kim smiled mischievously, "Fine, okay. But I'm not promising you sex afterwards."

Adam put his sunglasses on. "You kidding? What kind of guy do you think I am? You're looking at a more loyal, earnest Adam Ruzek."

Kim giggled. It wouldn't kill him to be a bit more like Jay Halstead. Although if he were, she wouldn't find him half as sexy. Kim liked her bad boys, and contrary to what she often told herself, she wasn't ready to settle down.

* * *

Buying a woman flowers was a bit corny. Jay understood that. Corny and old fashioned and maybe a little sexist he'd heard some hippie girl say once. But he also understood that he and Hailey had skipped a hundred steps in the courtship phase of getting together. They'd gone from work partners, to hanging out all the time, to sleeping at one another's house, to sleeping together in the same bed. And recently they had their first official date and made love for the first time. Things had gone from zero to a thousand and they'd skipped some steps, so Jay bought flowers.

They'd spent last night apart, Hailey insisted it was to give her body a rest from sex. Jay was a little bummed out but decided to spend the time productively. Hailey had shoved a bag of essentials in her closet for when he stayed the night at her place. Tee-shirts, boxer shorts, socks, razors. He thought she was being silly at first, but it had immediately come in handy and he was forced to admit she was right. Last night he'd taken a trip to a department store and tried to do the same. It was easy in theory, but only in theory.

It occurred to him after ten minutes in the store that he didn't know what to buy. Was it appropriate to buy her underwear? If so, what kind? It got really complicated, really fast. So instead of surprising her with it, he'd been forced to ask her WHAT to buy. It was a humiliating defeat in the boyfriend department. Hailey had teased him about screwing it up, then sent him detailed instructions on exactly what to buy, brands, sizes, the whole ball of wax. So instead of sitting home and watching the ballgame, he spent the better part of his night buying women's underwear, tampons, and other stuff she'd need.

When he finished, he bought her flowers and worried he was being old fashioned or sexist like that hippie girl claimed. When she showed up at his place with takeout, he gave her the flowers, and his questions about it were answered right away. Hippie girls didn't speak for all women it seems because Hailey didn't get offended. She got excited. Dinner got cold while they spent time in the bedroom.

Afterwards she slipped on a pair of his boxer shorts and put on a brand new, Chicago Cubs t-shirt he'd bought for her to sleep in, and sat down in front of the TV to eat dinner, lukewarm Chinese takeout.

"Voight hasn't said anything about us," she said nervously. They'd both been waiting for Voight to call them into his office to read them the riot act. But that hadn't happened. These past few days he'd been silent. He had thanked them when they informed him about DC James' plan to have them spy, assuring them that they'd deal with it when it came up. But afterwards he didn't expand on the conversation and they'd simply gone back to work.

"Yeah, who knows what he's got planned," Jay admitted. "The most pressing issue is all the rumors floating around. I'm getting it from all sides. All kinds of questions about me and you."

Hailey looked at him, genuinely shocked. "Really. Nobody's asked me anything."

Jay laughed, "You think?" Every cop in Chicago knew by now that Hailey didn't like questions like that. In fact, a cop Jay knew from his days in patrol had nearly gotten his head bitten off by her for even bringing it up.

He wasn't exactly sure what that was about, but he didn't exactly mind. It definitely made things easier. Even the questions he got the past few days were done in whispers, and were non invasive in nature. How long were they together? Is it true Erin and Hailey got into a fist fight? Are the bosses going to make you transfer now that you got busted? There were at least a dozen of them. Jay bobbed and weaved like an experienced boxer and swiftly changed the subject.

"What does that mean," she asked before digging into shrimp fried rice, her favorite food.

"Nobody is going to ask you anything. After the thing with Burgess. And the thing with Erin. And the various other incidents people are whispering about. They're all terrified."

She chewed deliberately thinking it over then quickly dismissed it. "Completely different circumstances, all of them. Erin and me is complicated. And I apologized to Kim."

"Yeah, okay," he said. That was all true. It still formed a pattern but he let it slide.

"Speaking of her, she text me today. She found a therapist she said, doing some work on her issues. Something about being a relationship pyromaniac," he shrugged. "I didn't understand it at all, but it's good she's getting to a healthy place."

Hailey nodded, staring at her plate. He could tell she had a problem of some kind but hesitated asking what it was. The last thing he wanted to do was fight. Especially about Erin.

"We need to discuss that later too. How you feel about her texting me. She says she wants us to be friends at the very least. But you have a say in that. I mean it's not like she lives across the hall and I have to snub her everyday. She lives in New York and it's easy not to return a text."

Hailey looked at him. "Its okay. Be friends. But do me a favor, be careful. There's a history there. And I think she's trying to wait me out."

"What do you mean?"

She shook her head. "I don't quite know what her game is. But she told me herself she's not going away. I think she's waiting for us to break up so she can slip back into your life. I get it. Just be careful. She has an agenda."

Jay leaned into her and kissed her on the cheek. "I'm happy as I've ever been. Working together doesn't look like it's going to be a problem. Erin's in New York. Ruzek is cool. Voight hasn't said a peep. I mean we got problems, but nothing we can't handle right?"

She smiled in agreement. "Nothing we can't handle." She took another bite of her food and chewed. When she finished she looked at him with no expression. But she was twirling her fork nervously with her fingers.

"I guess I'm okay with you guys being friends." The words were right but Jay knew Hailey, she wasn't okay with it at all. Not for a second.


	4. Chapter 4

Hailey Upton had been sleeping like a baby, but Jay's phone pulled her out of a deep sleep. It wasn't work. That much was clear. If it was work, her phone would be ringing too. Well that wasn't necessarily true, but practically speaking, it was true. She leaned across his sleeping body, careful not to wake him, and checked his caller ID. Erin Lindsay.

Hailey decided not to answer, she was doing her best not to be that crazy jealous girl. She'd already nearly started a brawl at work, and from what Jay told her everyone already thought she was a bitch. She didn't need to add jealous to that list. Still, Erin was pushing her buttons. Calling him this late was borderline inappropriate. If she were still in Chicago a 2am call would almost always be about sex. Unless, it wasn't. Jay was a police officer after all, someone could be dead.

Unsure of what to do Hailey decided to be a grown up. She wasn't going to be that crazy chick going through her boyfriend's phone while he was asleep, he hadn't given her any reason to distrust him. So, she did the next best thing. She sent Erin a text from her own phone.

**Hey Erin. He's asleep. If it's an emergency, I'll wake him up.**

There was two minutes of silence. If it was 2am here, it was probably 3 or 4 in New York, and Hailey wondered if Erin was simply drunk dialing. She shut her eyes, intent to go back asleep. She didn't get the chance before her phone chirped with a text message.

**It's not an emergency but it's important. Don't wake him. I was just leaving him a voicemail before I lost my nerve. Don't worry.**

More professions of love no doubt. But she held back the venom building up in her. Erin had history with him. They had a life together. Jay even wanted a future together. Constantly bickering with her was only asking for trouble, eventually it would go too far.

**I'm NOT worried.** Hailey sent the three-word text and went back to sleep. She wasn't going to be baited.

* * *

Sanderson shook her head with distaste. Erin had been sitting in the old van with her for five hours now debating about whether she should call or text Jay. Sanderson had been adamant that Erin apologize, sincerely this time, about everything. Her shrink had said the same thing, although SHE said it would be for her own benefit. Erin had thought them both silly, but she didn't say so.

"That's kinds bitchy," Sanderson said as Erin showed her the text. "I'm not worried, like you're not real competition for her so she has nothing to worry about."

Erin nodded. "Right! She's a fucking bitch man. We actually worked together for a while and she seemed kinda bitchy then but not THIS much."

Erin knew calling Jay was a mistake. Especially this late at night. It was booty call hours and any regular person would assume she was either drunk or looking to hook up. Jay was all the way in Chicago, so sex was out of the question but being drunk at 3 am was totally logical.

Erin hated stakeouts. Being alone with her thoughts had never been a good thing. She made bad decisions and sitting for hours with nothing to do only reminded her of that fact. Sanderson was a good companion, she at least made the night bearable, keeping up small talk and listening to her bitch about how poorly her Chicago trip had gone. It had been a disaster as far as she was concerned, Jay had rejected her, Hailey almost kicked her ass, and she'd come home without any encouragement whatsoever that she could patch things up.

The entire office had been waiting for the news and when she told them she expected their pity. Instead they all seemed encouraged, and not at all surprised. Mahoney actually told her that things were good. Jay had let his anger out, NOW he could heal. Vause had even reminded her that she was playing the long game and that in the grand scheme of things, this one trip meant nothing. Erin didn't agree with any of this. They hadn't seen Hailey in that coffee room with him, all wide eyed and open, wearing her heart on her sleeve. Jay ate it up. She knew she wasn't going to be able to compete with that, so she'd gone to therapy to learn how to express her emotions properly. Or at least to learn how to fake it. Although the damn therapist only wanted to talk about Nadia, and Bunny. She wasn't interested in helping her with Jay at all.

"I didn't know you guys partnered up," Sanderson said surprised. Partners, even ones that didn't get along that well, generally never walked away as enemies. There was an unwritten rule that you made nice, and when you walked away you kept it professional and didn't air your dirty laundry.

"For a bit," Erin explained. "In fact, the day I did what I did, she was there."

Sanderson shook her head. "And she didn't stop you? She let you sink your whole career over a guy?" Sanderson wasn't a fan, but as her newly minted partner she was obligated to take Erin's side.

"In her defense it probably wasn't about Jay. She let him spiral for a while too, I guess. THEN she fixed him. I don't think she would have let HIM do what she let ME do, but she obviously doesn't give two shits about ME."

Erin had been feeling sorry for herself since she'd gotten a call from one of the girls on patrol back home tipping her off about Jay and Hailey's big night out. She'd gotten a sneakily snapped photo of Jay looking super handsome in a suit, and Hailey looking annoyingly gorgeous in a purple dress. Apparently, they'd been at some fancy restaurant. When Erin googled the place, she saw it was extremely beautiful and incredibly expensive. At first, she'd been encouraged, they'd gotten busted by a boss and should have been reprimanded and split up. That was the rule if two cops who were riding together hooked up. Voight had ignored this rule, but only because he loved her. The love birds had apparently wrote a flawless report, and played the politics perfectly and walked away clean. In fact, the Deputy Chief was now a fan and had apparently been singing their praises. Some rich billionaire was so happy that he donated a Brink's truck, and Jay and Hailey were getting the credit for that as well. Now all the bosses knew their names. Instead of fired, they'd likely get promoted, and they sure as hell wouldn't get split up.

The whole thing had made her sick. She couldn't do anything from New York. Hailey had her hooks in deep, and Jay, still broken up over what she'd done, had been ripe for the picking. Erin's spy in patrol even sounded as if SHE were on the Hailey bandwagon. Apparently, Hailey had helped her find some missing flashlight or something, saving her an ass chewing. Erin would have simply swiped the officer another one, but helping her look for the damn thing seemed to buy some crazy admiration.

Sanderson wasn't convinced Hailey's act, or refusal to act, wasn't malicious. "Still. That's pretty shitty. And texting you from HER phone, not HIS. She's not stupid. You were right. She's Yoda."

Erin could only nod. She hadn't expected Hailey to even know about her late-night call to Jay. But of course they were in bed together. And Hailey had been sure to let her know that, being sure to rub her nose in it. Hey Erin, he's right here asleep in my bed, I'll wake him up for you, he's really tired after all the sex we've been having. Of course he was there, she was on top of things. Why wouldn't she be? If Erin managed to get another shot, she'd play it the same way, the exact same way. It didn't win you any friends, but it definitely fucking worked.

* * *

Hailey stared at the woman before deciding not to say anything. She was already being labeled a crazy person and proving people right wouldn't help. Instead she kept walking plastering on her best blank stare.

Someone laughed in the distance and she heard a groan. "Tell me that's not them. Tell me you guys didn't just let me eye fuck THAT guy right in front of her. How come you didn't say anything? You trying to get my ass kicked?" There was laughter in the distance as Hailey followed Jay upstairs. "Hey, I told you to keep it in your pants," Trudy Platt said casually.

"Ignore that," Jay said softly. "Let them have their fun. Eventually they'll move on to something else."

Hailey was starting to sense a pattern. Nobody had been asking her questions about Jay, but there was definitely a vibe in the air now. Women were avoiding her when she was with him. Usually she'd get a little casual chit chat. These days she was invisible when she was with him. According to Jay, they were all afraid of getting the Kim Burgess treatment. When Hailey told Jay she resented the implication that she'd simply fly off the handle for no reason, he only nodded and smiled.

Having the best first date of her entire life ruined by murder and gossip was more than a bit annoying. Hailey had expected a nice quiet little hole in the wall. Somewhere the two of them could blend in and a have a nice quiet romantic evening. Instead she'd gotten beautiful, fancy, and expensive. When she saw the tall office building she didn't know what to expect, but when she stepped off the elevator the place took her breath away. The night view of the city skyline alone left her speechless. The dinner itself was nice, delicious if not extremely over-priced. Ultimately, the combination of being dressed up, Jay looking extremely handsome in a suit, and being so excited from the kiss he'd unexpectedly given her, had made the night almost perfect.

Murder had thrown a wrench in the plan. Jay had mentioned them going to a bar to hear some live music, and maybe dancing a little, although he admitted he wasn't very good at it. She had been looking forward to that when their phones rang and informed them of the murder a few miles away. If that wasn't bad enough, the victim turned out to be the son of some rich society type and that brought out absolutely everyone, including the white shirts. She'd wanted to go home and change before they went to the scene, but they were expected ASAP.

That need to save time had been the source of all her recent woes. Although Hailey realized they would have eventually been busted anyway when the chief suspect at the time stopped being an idiot and given his alibi. Showing up to the scene in heels and a dress had only complicated things. Things had gotten even worse when the ranking boss on the scene, Deputy Chief Noel James had taken an interest.

That had nearly been a disaster. James had been waiting for them to make a mistake so he could blackmail them into being his stooges. She had handled the report, Voight's words echoing in her mind, the paperwork is how they get you. She spent the better part of two hours perfecting the thing, going through several drafts to be sure it would suit any story they wanted to tell. It was damn near perfect. She'd been worried when they met him in his office, but Jay took the lead there. He decided the best way to subvert the guy was not to engage him at all. Every time the guy said a word, Jay simply responded Yeah, huh. Surprisingly, it worked like a charm. It worked so well she'd used it herself. Together they had the guy licked, and most importantly they managed to beat him without pissing him off and making him an enemy.

Now the rumor was he had been so impressed he wanted to take them under his wing. The fact that she and Jay were dating had been flatly ignored by everyone once a huge donation had rolled in. Voight was still silent on the matter but Hailey expected him to speak up soon.

"That's easy for you to say, they all think you're a stud. I'm a psycho."

Jay laughed. "You're MY psycho though. I dig it."

Most guys would have found something patronizing to say. Lie to her about her NOT being looked at that way. Ensure her that everything was fine. Jay wasn't that guy. He told her the truth. Even when it was hard to say. Even when it sucked. She appreciated that.

He opened the door leading upstairs and stepped aside to let her up. He was doing a lot of that these days. Treating her like a girl instead of a cop. Well that wasn't exactly true. He was treating her like HIS girl, who happened to be a cop. At the murder scene on date night he'd even opened her car door and helped her out of the car with everyone watching. She hadn't thought about that until later. It was the sort of thing she wanted her boyfriend doing. But It wasn't exactly what she wanted her partner doing. She would have to figure out exactly WHAT she wanted and express that in a nonthreatening way. Complaining about being treated nice wasn't exactly a good girlfriend trait, so she needed some time to figure it out before she said anything.

"Hailey, Jay, right on time," Voight said as they stepped into the squad. "We've been called to offer some back up for the guys over in District 31. It's mostly just a show of force but vest up anyway. We're rolling in ten."

Hailey looked across the room at Kim Burgess who seemed disinterested in doing any official police work. She was flipping through her phone. She liked Kim, and the idea that she had made the young cop into a cautionary tale bugged her a bit. It would be good for other cops to see them together as friends.

"Kim," she said quickly. "Let's go vest up."

Kim looked a bit confused and Hailey wondered if she had heard a word of Voight's speech. She rebounded fast, standing up and quickly shoving her phone in her pocket and heading towards the stairs.

"Yeah, let's go," she said. She took the stairs with a hint of a smile and Hailey wondered what had her in such good spirits. She wanted to ask, should have asked, but her blow up made that inappropriate. You can't be in people's faces about their business after you specifically told them to stay out of yours.

As they walked down the stairs Hailey could see the eyes watching them. As far as everyone knew they were on the outs. She had to fix that. If Kim noticed the stares she didn't let on.

"You busy tomorrow night, we should grab that drink so I can apologize proper," Hailey finally allowed herself to say. She'd been turning it around in her brain all morning. Making peace.

Kim turned to her with a furrowed brow. "Apologize for what?"

Just like Kim, putting it in the past. Or at least pretending to for the sake of making peace.

"The thing in the squad. I feel like I owe you an explanation," she said as they made their way to the locker room. Kim lead the way but didn't turn to face her.

"You did already, we're good Hailey. 100%."

"I know," she said as she stepped inside and head to her locker. "But what happened, it wasn't cool. And I'm guessing it made you uncomfortable. You didn't deserve to be talked to that way."

Kim finally nodded. "It was kind of harsh. A bit embarrassing too I guess." She finally turned to look at her. "But you were right. I should have been minding my own business."

That may have been true but it was still no excuse. "No, you were just being a friend. You had to sense that thing with me and Erin was gonna go south pretty quickly." Hailey sighed. "She makes me feel so inadequate that I flew off the handle and lashed out."

It wasn't the sort of thing she was used to admitting out loud. How other people made her feel. She was used to pushing that stuff down and putting on a strong face. Always being emotional could be a problem for a woman on the job so she trained herself early to avoid displays of emotion all together.

Kim clearly wasn't expecting the admission either, she stared, her brow furrowing again. "Why? She's gone."

"I still feel like I'm in her shadow though. Compared to him and her, me and him aren't unique. I mean Jay and me are partners, but so were they. We're not covering new ground me and him. Jay wanted to marry her Kim. And the second she found out about that she came back for him. And seeing her in the squad, and with him running off the way he did. It freaked me out. Then everyone is telling me to give him a minute." She shook her head. "It just got to be too much for me to compartmentalize. I lashed out at you, then her. It was wrong and I'm sorry."

Kim, ever the good friend, walked over and gave her a hug. A tight hug that allowed Hailey to admit she actually was forgiven.

"I understand. I forgive you. Its complicated."

Hailey chuckled. "Not really. I love him Kim. I mean I'm really head over heels in love with him and it terrifies me. I mean Erin's a problem, but not a big problem. I'm so protective because I know how fast something can go bad and he can be gone. That sometimes translates to me acting like a bitch. And I'm sorry. But that's what it's about. Protecting me and him. Not you. Never you."

Kim smiled. "Thanks for telling me that. I know how it goes against your instincts to say these things to anyone but him."

"Yeah," she said making her way to her locker to grab her vest. "Its not something I do. But we're friends and if I can't tell you I can't tell anyone. I can't promise you I'll always behave when it comes to me and him, but I promise I'll apologize after."

Kim laughed. "Deal. And since we're being honest. Tomorrow night is bad. I gotta go shopping. Adam asked me to dinner. I know you're long passed him but he's technically our ex, so heads up."

Hailey nodded, not sure if she were allowed to ask questions. "Adam's a great guy. Have fun."

"He's okay. Not exactly serious relationship material but he makes me happy." She turned to her own locker and operated the lock. "He's happy for you and Jay. A little jealous but that's just Adam being Adam."

"I need to apologize to him too, for lying. I'm on fire this week," she said with a laugh.

"Don't bother. He gets it. I told him he was always gonna lose to Halstead anyway. Everyone could see you guys were on that path. Honestly, he should have stayed completely away in the first place." Kim pulled her locker open and dug out her vest. "So I'm helping him drown his sorrows. He's taking me to that place Jay took you."

Hailey's eyes popped with surprise. "Really? I didn't know you guys were back together that way."

Kim shrugged. "We're not. But he thought he should go to a place like that at least once and said that if he does it should be with ME. So we're going. I gotta buy a new dress tomorrow though."

Hailey smiled mischievously. "You should probably stop at Victoria's Secret while you're shopping. If he takes you to that place and you have any feelings for him at all, you're gonna sleep with him after."

Kim shook her head defiantly. "Nope. Not having sex with him afterwards. I already told him."

Hailey laughed out loud. "You are so having sex with him Kim. Absolutely positively. I know Adam, he's got a sexy guy thing working in his favor. You're gonna fold like a lawn chair. Without question. I mean, the moment I got to that place with Jay all that waiting stuff I was doing, it all went out the window."

Kim looked at her wide eyed. "No. You didn't. You slept with him? I thought you were strong." She had told Kim repeatedly that she and Jay weren't sleeping together, she had even assured her they wouldn't for a long while. After all that, Kim seemed absolutely floored by the admission. Although it could be because Hailey didn't typically share at all.

Hailey nodded. "So did I. I said to myself make him work for it girl. But you saw how good he looked, and that place. Ten minutes in I said forget about all that he's getting lucky tonight. And you and Ruzek. You guys got sparks girl. You're toes up by night's end, without question."

Kim sighed heavily. "Damnit. Now I gotta buy new underwear." She looked at Hailey with curiosity. Apparently calling the evening off or trying to fight against it weren't even real options. "Want to make that beer a shopping trip? Two hours tops."

Hailey nodded quickly. She could do shopping. Especially for Kim. She was a great friend and it was time to return the favor. "Yeah we can do that."

* * *

Hank Voight could see the look annoyance on his team's faces. They were all just standing around, waiting for something to happen and the guys from District 31 were keeping all the important tasks to themselves. His team had been relegated to doing crowd control, a job for rookie patrol officers. Hank knew this was some sort of power play. A political move by the commanders over in 31, designed to show the CPD at large that they had juice. Enough juice to have the famed Intelligence Squad back THEM up. Hank didn't take the bait, and the team knew that making a big deal out of it was a losing battle. Head to head, stats to stats, they could put any team on the force to shame. Everyone knew Intelligence got things done, often by any means necessary. A reputation like that was useful, but it came with a price. It often made them targets, and fighting needless battles wasn't a good long-term strategy.

"Even got YOU guys standing around out here huh?" Voight didn't recognize the voice. It seems everyone knew him, but as the years moved on, he was seeing fewer and fewer familiar faces.

Hank didn't bite. The moment he spoke out of school it would be halfway around the city. "Hey, I go where they tell me. Stand where they say stand." He looked at the cop and studied the face. He didn't recognize him. He was a young guy, thirties with black hair and a muscled frame. Hank didn't recognize him, had never even seen him around before. Confident he wasn't going to cause offense he extended a hand. "Hank Voight."

The cop shook it eagerly. "Sergeant Jim Addams. Narcotics."

Hank nodded quickly. "Okay, yeah, you worked with Kenny Rixton. He mentioned you a few times. How's he doing?" That was a lie, Kenny had never mentioned this Adams, but it was the quickest way to make some cops feel at ease around him. Telling them that he'd heard of them often softened them up and defused any macho tension in the air.

Adams bit quickly. "He's good. Kenny's a good cop. He's loaned out right now on some assignment the boss didn't go into, but last I saw him a few weeks ago he was doing good."

Hank had reached out to Kenny to see if he were interested in getting back into the unit. With Al gone he was still down a man. Rixton had been interested but was deep in the middle of something that could take six days, or six months, depending on how it played out. He told Hank to keep him in mind but advised him not to wait. Hank was still deciding on what to do.

"What's this operation, any idea. They brought us down here for back up, which is fine, but nobody told us what it was about."

Adams shrugged. "From what I gather its some kidnapping thing. A bunch of bodies got found in a building. Kids still missing. The guys at 31 says they got it, but I'm not so sure. They drug us down here. And YOU guys. It might be too much for them."

Again, Voight refused to speak out of turn. "If they say they got it," he shrugged.

Adams shifted his weight on his feet nervously. "The reason I came over, I need to fill a spot in my unit." He seemingly thought about that statement and changed his mind. "Well, I will need to fill a spot soon. A couple of my detectives got involved. Both great cops, really solid detectives. But I'm concerned this personal relationship will become a thing that gives me a headache."

Hank stared at him without speaking. He had a pretty good idea of where this was going. The moment the Halstead and Upton thing went public he had been fielding calls from half the department looking to poach one or both of them. Halstead was an up and comer, Hank knew he was on track to run his own unit one day. Hailey had the sort of experience that would land her in one of the big offices. Hank was going to suggest that one or both of them take the next Sergeant's exam. With this situation with DC James, they would surely both be quickly promoted.

"I was wondering," Adams continued, "If you were looking to swap. Both my people are really solid like I said. Detective Quincy is ex-Army like Halstead, used to kicking down doors. I was grooming him to be my number two. And Detective Pruitt, she's smart and focused. Knows the city, knows the players, the bosses. A swap may solve both our problems."

Hank looked across the field at Halstead and Upton. They were standing together but Hailey was pointing at an adjacent building and Halstead was looking in that direction. They weren't a problem, and he didn't anticipate them becoming a problem. That wasn't Hailey's style.

"My cops are on point. They won't be a problem, and if they become one, I'll talk to them then. You should probably do the same. Sit them down, tell them you disapprove of the relationship, but you won't make a beef as long as they keep the distractions down. I can tell you for an absolute fact that if I try to transfer one, the other would look to follow. They're that close, and they work that well together. I never have to worry about either of them because they take it upon themselves to self-mediate."

Adams didn't look convinced.

"Look, if you're trying to get rid of one of them, send me the file and I'll take a look at it, it might be a good fit. But if this is about something, maybe, possibly, being a problem, one day in the future. I say you let it play out." Hank looked at Adams. "You know, my daughter in law told me that something like 50% of people date someone at work. And like 20% meet their spouse at work. I know I was brought up in a different time when this sort of thing was taboo, but stats don't lie. You put people together for hours and hours every day, they get close. It's only natural. My first instinct is always to yell and scream and ship someone off." He shrugged. "But sometimes you see two people together and you know they're supposed to be together. My detectives, I get that feeling. I'm not going to shake them up. And besides, the bosses already got their eye on them. They'd shoot down any transfer they didn't come up with themselves."

Adams seemed to contemplate it. "So you're suggesting I talk to them. Tell them I don't approve, but as long as they keep it professional and don't make any problems, I'll overlook it. And that should probably be enough to keep them smart about it."

Hank nodded. "Yeah, that's how I would play it. First real problem you have with them, you sit them both down and tell them you already talked about this. Tell them next problem they have you'll be expecting one of them to transfer out if they can't figure it out. That'll put them on the straight and narrow. And if not, one of them leaves on their own accord and you don't have any drama from the team."

Adams nodded. "Yeah, I can see that."

"Boss," Hailey said in her best serious tone. She looked at Adams and nodded. "Sergeant Adams," she said with a nod.

"What's up," Voight asked.

"I'm not sure what's going on here. But there's something hinky about this building across the street. I swear there's someone up on the roof watching us. I can't shake it, it's giving me bad vibes."

Hank knew better than to risk ignoring something like that. If it turned out to be nothing, that wouldn't cost anyone anything. But if she were right, and things went sour, someone could get hurt, or worse.

"Okay, take Halstead and go check it out," he said. "Keep it off the radio and keep your heads up."

Adams gave Voight's arm a pat. "I'll get a couple of my guys to back them up. I'll send them in around back your guys go in the front." He looked at Hank's detectives. "Give them five minutes to get in position."

Halstead nodded. "Yeah, okay. We've been staring at the building so we're going to walk down the block and come up on the other side of the street."

"Be careful," Voight said firmly.

* * *

"You should have told US, we would have taken lead," Lieutenant Donovan of the 31 said to Voight and Adams. Hailey hated the politics but she understood where this Donovan was coming from. He'd purposely kept them in the background to show everyone he had things in hand and here comes Intelligence and Narcotics, cowboys as they were often called, to blow the case wide open. "This was OUR case."

Voight only nodded. "Sir it still is your case. We took these guys into custody and handed them off to your guys immediately. We kept it off the radio so as not to tip them off. They were on the roof, heavily armed. We weren't sure if they were going to start shooting or not, so we went."

Sergeant Adams pointed at the building. "Sir from that vantage point they could have taken out a dozen of us before we even realized what was happening. We couldn't tip them off that we knew they were up there and if we came to you, we know you would have ordered us to go anyway so we did. We got the offenders in custody ready to be interviewed by your guys and you can chalk this up to successful operation."

Donovan didn't like this. He wanted the glory. Hailey almost laughed at how ridiculous this was. They should have been celebrating instead of arguing over who got the credit. Donovan looked at her and she realized she was on his shit list too. She relaxed her face, wiped away her expression.

"You should have come to ME, I'm ranking cop on scene," Donovan continued.

Jay looked at him with his cool expression. "Sir we only even looked over there in the first place because YOU were looking in that direction. We thought you wanted us to go over there so we told Voight and Adams."

Hailey loved him so much at times like this. He was always thinking. Always keeping a cool head. "Yeah, you looked up at the roof, then you looked at us and we thought you were giving us the go ahead and make your move. We didn't realize we jumped the gun. We're sorry, that's on US, not on Sergeants Voight and Adams. We thought you were giving us the 'go' signal."

Donovan was staring, looking at them both with suspicion. He thought it was a trick. Hailey didn't want to press it, with him being so on edge he was likely to blow the story up out of spite. They stood in silence, Voight, Adams, Donovan, her, Jay, and Adams' two detectives, Quincy and Pruitt.

Donovan finally decided it wasn't a trick of some kind and got with the program. "No, I wasn't giving you the order to move. I was saying wait for my signal. You almost blew the whole thing."

Hailey saw Detective Pruitt, a tall thin brunette with striking green eyes and perfect features fight off a smirk. Beside her, her partner, Detective Quincy sighed with exasperation. He was just as attractive as Pruitt and judging by the close distance in which they were standing, they were clearly intimate, probably a couple.

"It was a misunderstanding Lieutenant. We can write it up that you DID give the order and put it behind us. If you want to see my cops reprimanded, we can write it up just how it happened and go from there."

Donovan scoffed. "Don't be so rigid Sergeant Voight. There's no need for a reprimand. It was good work. Damn good work. They got a little anxious and jumped the gun. But lives were at stakes. Cops lives. Just write it up as having gotten the order and let's move on."

Voight nodded. "Understood," he said as Donovan walked away. Voight looked at Hailey his brow arched. "Go back to the house and write this report. Get it right. Donovan won't jam you up about it if you mention him as much as possible. You make him look like a rock star he'll defend it with his dying breath. Just don't be stupid." He looked over at Adams. "Give my detectives a few hours and I'll send you a copy of their report and you can move forward accordingly."

Adams nodded. "Absolutely," he looked over at Hailey. "Good job today, and nicely done Detectives."

* * *

"That Quincy and Pruitt were good cops. They moved solid always knew where the other was, what they were thinking." Jay pulled off his shirt and tossed it on his messy floor. It was barely ten o'clock, but it had been a long day. A really long day.

"They're a couple. I could tell right away," she said with confidence. "Then Pruitt and I got to talking and she confirmed it. She's pretty cool. We're gonna get a drink."

"Yeah, I was talking to Quincy and I heard one of the other cops talking about it too. You and me, and those two. The cop said Quincy and I were hogging all of the spotlight and all of the women. Quincy got kind of bent out of shape."

She unclipped her gun from her waist and sat it on the nightstand beside the bed. She laughed a bit as she got undressed and got ready for bed. "I don't think Voight is going to say anything to us. I've been waiting and nothing. And that Pruitt text me and said her boss gave them a speech about her and Quincy not being a problem. Apparently, he talked to Voight. He said as long as they don't become a distraction, he won't give them a hassle. I assume that's how Voight's handling me and you."

Jay pulled off his pants and Hailey's mind immediately went to sex. The excitement of the day, the adrenaline rush, had made her really edgy and sex was just the thing she needed to dull that edge.

"Okay, no drama. We can manage that. Relationship disagreements done in private. Cop stuff still on the table." He yawned, stretched and climbed into bed. His eyes focused on her as she undressed and realized he must have been thinking the same thing. Sex. She liked the thought of it, the anticipation made her body respond. Something in his face shifted and he tossed his head back and sighed.

"Erin called me last night. Left me a message. Remind me to let you listen to it later." He had gone all day without mentioning the message but she'd agreed not to make a big deal about it. Erin was far away. Still him telling her about it, and being willing to let her listen to it, eased her nerves.

"Erase it. I was awake when she called last night. I text her and offered to wake you if it was important. She said it wasn't." She smiled. "And since you're so honest and trustworthy, I plan on rewarding you accordingly."

Jay laughed nervously. "You knew, and you didn't say anything about it all day?"

Hailey climbed into bed beside him, she hadn't bothered putting on her bed clothes, they were coming off anyway. "I trust you. It's HER I don't trust. Besides you tell me everything important. The war, your feelings, your ex-wife. It's the only way we work. Trust."

Jay smiled then his eyes squinted with interest. "There's one thing I haven't told you. One thing I've been holding back."

She smiled knowingly. "Yeah, huh?"

"Yeah. I love you. Always have."

Hailey's heart melted. She had so wanted to hear that. "You're already getting lucky tonight. Keep talking and I'm bound to get really kinky."

"In that case, I've got a few more secrets I can let you in on," he teased before shutting off the lights. Before she got lost in the moment she leaned into him and whispered into his ear that she loved him too. Almost immediately a weight lifted off her chest and like magic she knew she was ready to make this man her own.

**A/N: I'm ending this story here because I couldn't find a realistic way too keep Erin in the mix and I feel like I've told the story I wanted to tell. Rarely do I do sequels but I love these characters so much that I think I may start another story with them, a little less complicated POV wise, but 'In Universe' of this story. Thanks for all the love. I started this on a whim, sitting around with nothing to do so I started writing. I uploaded it on a whim and decided to keep going. Thanks for all the love. **


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